here are selections from my more peacy zine that i'd like to post.
"Black Stone Mirror Heart"
(for rumi)
if you feel your heart turning dark as iron
take a rag and polish it up just like a mirror
a BLACK STONE MIRROR HEART
so that you can see WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE
AND I HAVE NEVER SEEN THE PLACES TO WHICH I'VE BEEN
WHERE I WILL WAIT FOR YOU (AND YOU AND YOU) ALWAYS
if you feel your mind begging time from angel
steal a plane and gut it for parts
then tape the motor to your brain
an AIRPLANE MOTOR MIND
so that you can fly WHERE YOU WANNA FLY
AND I HAVE NEVER FLOWN TO THE PLACES WHICH I'VE KNOW
WHERE I WILL WAIT FOR YOU (AND YOU AND YOU) ALWAYS
if you feel your soul take control then lose it
send it spinning on a spinning-top
THEN DIP IT IN CHOCOLATE
a SPINNING-TOP CHOCOLATE SOUL
so that you can feel WHAT YOU WANNA FEEL
AND I HAVE NEVER FELT THE GROUND ON WHICH I'VE KNELT
WHERE I WILL WAIT FOR YOU (AND YOU AND YOU) ALWAYS
"Cutting a bagel"
i was cutting a bagel the other day and instead i cut myself, oops! but it made me think...
words are like the blood from a clenched fist hiding a cut, dripping out uncontrollably, even in the absense of gravity this happens.
see- you know why it is bleeding but you cannot see the wound, open your hand and see the cut. well, no surprises there, still ouch though. as the blood flows faster, you manipulate the flow to minimize the mess, hold it over the sink or something. wash it, dress it, all better. but still ouch man.
during this all of the attention is on the hands, the bleeding, the dripping, the dressing! far less if any attention given to the knife, or the heart that pumps the blood. far less attention to the intent that made the words, the soul that pumps interpratation................
i remember i learned once that the english language has about 40 percent more words in it that other european languages because of its two parent languages. still though.... i dont think it’s ever even more than 20 or 30 percent effective in expressing someone’s true/right meaning. lets cut ourselves and others some slack when it comes to words. we might not take things how they were meant to be taken. even if they knew every language in the word i'm sure a heart and a knife would still have trouble communicating some of the time.
"xmas day revisited"
hopped in my canon, just to go for a ride
pointed it up to heaven, but i couldn't get there
no matter how many times i tried
right around try 23 i thought how much easier'd be if
i had some kind of deity helping me out
so i went down to church, to get god in my corner
at first i thought everybody'd be sittin in pews
but everyone was up in the air flyin
weavin in and out of eachother with there eyes closed
it was death defying
on the outside everbody was looking pretty shinny, nice capes
but on the inside i could tell
everyone was just trying to remember how to weep
but nobody could squeeze a drop
everyone was running away from Xmas day
takin off west away from the dawn
and its snowing in heaven
and down here everybody's just trying to keep warm
I see ya riding around in your bible-car babe
the ways that ya steer it
but ya gotta be careful drivin round in your bible car
somebody might actually hear it
sounds like BRRRAWWWlove yer enemy and FRRROOOturn yer cheak
and NNRRRAWW stop dropin bombs on people for pete's sake
some of these people'll teach ya about lovin
some teach ya hate
but whatever you learn in your life babe,
don't confuse god, with fate
and what they mean by that is don't confuse the cards you're dealt
with the apples that you ate
it ain't about the apples anymore
so don't let'em scare ya.
they're a'running away from Xmas day
takin off west away from the dawn
and its snowing in heaven
and down here everybody's just trying to keep warm
I look at this country, and it moves me to tears
to many kids in the hallways, havin to live beyond their years
seems as though all we teach'em is to be afraid of the reasons for war
but we don't teach'em to be afraid of war itself, and thats dangerous
still i pray for the soldiers who fight, cause they're the ones that die
but you know i pray for them terrorists too, well at least i try
and i pray for all the people in the world still stuck on the justice
of an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, soul for a soul
everyone's a running away from Xmas day
takin off west away from the dawn
and its snowing in heaven
and down here everybody's just trying to keep warm
well he came out to his mother on Xmas eve,
against his better judgment
and she thought it was her fault in some kinda way,
she thought it might be god's punishment
and on Xmas day, her son was still gay and
all she could say to him was
"son, can't you just change for your mama?"
thats a true story.
and it makes me think... WWJD if he had a gay son
i'd like to think he'da handdled it a little diffrently
a dog'll bark at you, its in its nature, and a kitten purrs
i haven't lost my faith, not yet, i just ain't subscribing to yers,
every fish has different scales, every bird different wings,
every mammals got different furs
cant' you see that its beautiful, can't you see that its right
still sometimes i think it might be easier
if everybody's god had the same name
there'd be a little less killing with less people to blame
BUT ISNT THAT WHAT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE FIGURED OUT ANYWAY AFTER JESUS CAME?
i try to remember these things
except when i'm a'running away from Xmas day
takin off west away from the dawn
its still snowing in heaven
and down here everybody's just trying to keep warm
"Gene Roddenberry Crews"
When i was younger
i used to stay up late and watch both episodes of S.T.N.G.
and that stands for
"Star Trek: the Next Generation", it was a T.V. show.
Captain Picard and his fearless crew
Cruising 'round the stars and saving the galaxy for me and you
And well they had their guns
but they called them phazers
they used them like tazers
they weren't even trying to kill nobody
yes they set their guns to stun
when i was younger...
they were my
Gene Roddenberry Crews
Gene won't you dream for me we need another Starship
we tried to build one of our own
but we couldn't get past the our-ship part
Gene please, where did them stars that shine on me go
are they even mine to see anymore
I'm looking up but i don't see nothing
cause the lights are too bright in this city
hey Gene did ya know the first time we went to the moon
it was all just a competition with the Russians
and i'm afraid if we don't learn our lesson soon
there'll be some noo-clee-ar repercusions or something like that
and look what we doing now we want to go ta mars,
want to make it ours
looking for life over there in the dirt
but wouldn't it be nice if we could find some worthwhile life down here first
thats how i feel sometimes
I don't know how its gonna be it the twenty-third century
are we even gonna last till then
maybe if we practise Zen
compassion and love for all humans
and also for our alien friends, YEAH!
they could be saying hurray for the humans
huzzah to the future of galactic peace
i don't know if they will
but they won't be able to do it without some
Gene Roddenberry Crews!
Gene you were so wise
you'd never believe your eyes
the poet tries to write a brighter future's past
Earthings can't we see
how much better off we'd be cruizing five-year missions,
upholding the prime directive,
and drinking some hot tea,
earl grey
Gene Roddenberry Crews
Gene won't you dream for me we need another Starship
we tried to build one of our own
but we couldn't get past the "it's mine"-ship part
Gene please, where did them stars that shine on me go
are they even mine to see anymore
I'm looking up but i don't see nothing
cause the lights are too bright in this city
awww, I ain't even looking up no more
cause what am I gonna see
i'm just gonna turn on my T.V.
you'll be there for me
S.T.N.G
With the G. R. C.
"talking global warming"
global warming? its just a hoax
yes i think that the globe is really getting a little colder
know what i mean?
don't believe me? just ask your folks
they'll probably tell you something about the sixties
it ain't coming back, peace and love was just a dream they had...
so now i'm wondering
if my time is getting watered down, couldn't that mean that we're growing some how
and if my world, its getting watered down, mightent that mean somethings growing?
or does it mean that we're drowning...
i just don't like feeling like i'm the only body
whooz feeling like i feel
now theres a man who says he could save us all with his money
and this other man says he could save us with his love
he says love a dove
and my friend janeane says we could save ourselves
with the help of a god above
but she don't know which one
and i seem to remember a man who told me i'd lose my soul if i gave up the fight
then i got a good job and bought a volkswagon, and a proved to him that he was right.
i forgot to vote
i think i was shoping for some bose speakers, tiny speakers, listening for something…
but just ended up wondering
if my time is getting watered down, couldn't that mean that we're growing some how
and if my world, its getting watered down, mightent that mean somethings growing?
maybe it'll "trickle down"
or maybe it won't and then we'll all drown...
i still don't like feeling like i'm the only body
whooz feeling like i feel
and i don't wanna feel bad, for having bad stuff
don't ya know they told me it was gonna be good stuff to have
on the tele-V
and i don't wanna feel sad, for thinking sad thoughts
don't ya know they told me they was gonna be happy thoughts
why would anybody lie about something like that?
they say
"if your time feels watered down, son that just means you're growing up
its fact of life"
they said
"if your life feels diluted, we'll get ya some of this and it'll pull ya through it"
but don't believe everything you want to believe cause you may find yourself someday
down at the bottom of the ocean floor
global warming finally gotcha
on your way to the video store
and now you don't like feeling like you're the only fishy
whooz feeling like you feel
"3 quotes: Christian, Buddhist, and Muslim:"
“Have you never read in the scriptures: 'The very stone which the builders rejected has become the head of the corner; this was the lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes'? Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a nation producing the fruits of it.”
-Jesus in Mathew 21:42-43
I think this lesson teaches that we must not regard our own religious activities as having more importance than the religious activities of others. And that we must humble ourselves to the belief that God knows best how to grow his kingdom and whom god will chose to glorify it.
“Not recognizing that there's no connection between term and meaning, those who wander in endless jargon get so exhausted.”
-Adept Godrakpa
This passage reminds me of the necessary evils of language, and that we must be careful not to judge meaning too quickly. For words are imperfect just as our minds are not equipped to completely comprehend another's intentions of expression.
“The truest and highest stage of worship is to see God face to face, and to receive his guidance0 from his own mouth. Those who attain this highest stage, choose for themselves whatever God chooses for them. Their entire characters are transformed by God. They are God's friends; so they no longer discriminate between people, but regard all people as friends. Wherever they go, they go from God; wherever they arrive, they arrive at God. Whatever they do, they do for God; whatever service they perform, they perform it in God. The self has been truly annihilated.”
-Junayd, "Tawhid"
After 9/11, I felt a particular need to research this religion that supposedly "Breeds Terrorists", and "Teaches Hate and Intolerance." I was happy to find this was not the case. i think that all religions have positive creeds, it is humans that seems unable to follow their own highest ideals.
"A History of God or Chasing Japanese Rabbits part deux"
so i just got done reading karen armstrong's A HISTORY OF GOD. it took me along time as i'm a slow reader. nonetheless i am inspired to write.
when it comes to the matter of GOD, isn't it curious how humans throughout the ages have come to specific revalations about god, which may start out to be inherently possitive, and then have afterwords thought, "now that i know what God is, i know what god isn't. "God is this, and not that", effectively leading to- "God has always been this, so it will always be this." never allowing the transformation of this into another "that". Quite ironic as, arguably, every revalation about God
has at one time, not existed, whether "divinely inspired", or humanly pondered.
Armstrong's book thouroughly catalouges the pendulum swing of religious thought in society from the Mystic/irrational/follow your heart(e.g. jewish kabbalah, muslim sufism, christian mystysism) ideoligies to the paths of the Philosophic/rational/cultivate your mind(e.g. Maimonides, faylasufs, early calvinists) systems of thought.
However, what her book never implicitly states or posts is the question, "why can't our religions cultivate a tolerance and inclusion of both the mystic and
the rational, both heart and mind, all at the same time?" eastern thought systems seem to have been exploring this concept far better than us westerners. Allthough, not being a buddhist, i think i'd better think on this within my own cultural context if i'm to be any use to myself or my society.
yes, i will again forcefully write my intentions to live the logic of DUALISM, rather than the logic of DOMINATION. to have an "either or both" rather than a "this or that" mind and heart. I feel like its a good thing to study as many paths as one can, never clinging solely to one, in order to be a force for peace and understanding. allthough the disclaimer for me is the fact that there is a bit of hypocrasy in this language as this aproach itself is a "path", and so it MUST be stated, and i must remind myself that this path will not necessarily lead me to more virtue or revelation than the paths of those who stick to their guns, so to speak. the followers of any path have the capacity to screw things up.
Also, as a picture can be framed in many frames, and a flower potted in many pots, they can also be seen by many eyes. SO then every well intentioned thinker who ever opened their mouths to speak or put thought to pen must be prepared for the corruption of their original intent. I'm pretty sure Nietzsche would not have condoned Nazism, Marx would have denounced the Stalinists, and Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses all would have had issues with... well, lots.
Perhaps what we need is some new vocation. Perhaps some sort of "thought medicine man", or preacher/holyman/psychologist, is needed to prescribe systems of thought and faith to those who have stumbled too far down the path of "i'm right you're wrong." oh wait... maybe we do have those people.
they're called teachers. Allthough the same aforementioned caveat must be applyed to teachers as to thinkers.
O.K. this is the point in the blog where that little mischievous elf inside me says "EUREKA! I've discovered truth. Look at me world, read my blog and think like me and all will be well!" so to him again i have to say, "no, no, no, mister Elf, we're just frame-makers here, not truth-knowers."
the elf says "oh man, phooey," and kicks a rock. Why is it that thinkers feel the need to impose their thoughts upon others? probably loneliness, or the need for admiration, i'm not sure really.
blog blog blog, blog blog...
well its a nice day so i'm gonna go for a run, then i'm gonna go get hammered with my friend Eric, whom i've not seen in a while. peaceout, its all good, word to your mother...
"On a Rock"
river woman walking chest-high water
won't you take what you need to survive
is it any wonder that anybody's still alive?
New Orleans, you're in my dreams,
y'inmy hopes and my nightmares too
we just want you to know, we never forgettin you
i see'em standing on a rock at the edge of the water
i see'em standing and their faces are many
i see'em standing on a rock at the edge of the sea
prick you on your finger take a drop of your blood,
put it in a vile held up to the sun
we can help you, but we can not help everyone
Africa is America to me, and America(my tribe) is all the world
and the world is just the apple in the eye of a child
at the edge of the sea
i see'em standing on a rock at the edge of the water
i see'em standing and their faces are many
i see'em standing on a rock at the edge of the sea
See you in the desert, your helmet or your turben,
your guns, and your feet and your tears
what can we do when we've been fighting for thousands of years?
its a holy war, a cross, a moon, a star
we'll never have peace if we don’t look at eachother
and so i'm taking my first look, im a'lookin -right now-
I see'em standing on a rock at the edge of the sea
(or the same words in haiku)
folks caught unawares
see them standing on a rock?
cracked, at the sea's edge
"and so"
in this life I know that I have always taken my fair share
and i've given what i've owed, nothing more nothing less
and if ever i have stepped above my duties it was not me
it was the grace of a higher power
which i have never understood, or met
and so..
i'm giving all my friends and loved ones
a rusty nail before i die
for to seal me up in my coffin when we say goodbye
for to lay me down good for good when it's my time to go
old men talking young men dying,
this the way of war and hatred
young men YAWLPing, old men dancing,
these are things that can lead to peace
this i've known since i was born
now it seems, with every morning
i forget a little more of this knowledge
and so...
i'm giving all my friends and loved ones
a rusty nail before i die
for to seal me up in my coffin when we say goodbye
for to lay me down good for good when it's my time to go
with my words and with my thinking
i've always tried to find some concrete answers
what i found was the simple value in a listning mind
and a silent smile
and so won't you go ahead and smile?
"the seeds of peace"
this is a country which draws many kinds
from the native tribes to the imagrents
then and now some come from dark places
some have believed they were heaven sent
what comes from heaven like Noah's dove?
how do you distinguish from what comes up from hell?
oceans craddle the coasts, rain falls from the sky
yet water is drawn from a well.
this in the land of a constant sorrow
this in the land of that pains relief
carrying the promise of a brighter tomorrow
this is the land where we plant the seeds of peace
if a man is to grow to find the joy of motion
his blood must flow through the entire man
if a nation's to flower in freedom and gladness
her resources must flow through the entire clan
who is my clan? your clan is the people
who are these people, the people on earth
divided by hatred, separated by fear
chained to the lands of their birth
this in the land of a constant sorrow
this in the land of that pains relief
carrying the promise of a brighter tomorrow
this is the land where we plant the seeds of peace
and we watch them grow, then we plant some more
and we watch them grow, then we plant some more
and we watch them grow, then we plant some more
"Hip roman suicide"
drink some lead in your water
Gracias, eh? De nada
lets put some salt on your jelly hurry up
i see the cause and the effect
i seen the maufacture deffect
i see the hole in your belly - hurry up
all on a hip roma suicide
ya put your hand on your heart and ride
and flip that visor to see just what you want to see
and you say just what you wanna, say just what you wanna say
your capi gains and your profits?
i see they're little miss muffets
a spider sits down beside ya -hurry up
you got a trillion dollar debit
ya bought a tan and a senate
you bought a spoon and a lighter -hurry up
all on a hip roman suicide
you put your hand on your heart your right
and flip your visor so you see just what you wanna see,
and jya say just what you wanna, say just what you wanna say
you get your motor checked offen?
you got a flag on your coffin
get that box of the boxed T.V. -hurry up
and its the all holy bible
you're making it a false idol
graven pages made of silver and gold
...
all on a hip roman suicide
you put your hand on your heart you're right
and flip your visor so you see just what you wanna see,
and jya say just what you wanna, say just what you wanna say
"and jesus was dancing"
we don't live there anymore
where jesus dances in the sandbox baby
and the devil knocks on your door
he's serving papers, well he says,
"you can run but i will catch up with you some day
and you can never return
to the house that you burned!"
but i don't see it that way
you could rebuild
and jesus was dancing the inexcelsis mambo
you could shack up in the garage
and jesus was dancing the mashed hosana
you could build an ash castle
and jesus was dancing the gloria foxtrot
you could change your locks
or you could not change your locks
after you rebuild
invite everyone inside
and have a heaven'n'hell theme party
devils in the basement,
angels upstairs,
and on the first floor
everybody can just ... mix
"I am You"
We want you on our team
baby dont think like nobody wants you
we want you livin our dream
i've got a dream and its burning the taste on my tongue
its a sense of unlimited range
its a people willing to change
Everybody shout and scream
baby dont think like nobody's listening
check it out we're chugging full steam ahead
i got steam and its shooting right out my eyes
its a view of umlimited sight
its the peace between wrong and right
i said we got to have us some peace, between wrong and right
and we're g-g-getting down on our knees and we wanted to say that we're sorry!
Because we took it to the Extreme
when we built that wall we didnt know what we were doing
now we're cutting through it with our laser-beams baby!!
(everybody make lazer beam noises) we're breaking it down
and its a force you can never fully know
its a power you gain by letting go
so let it go, all you hatred and your revenge
let it go, your need for security
dont be afraid of things you can not see
learn to love mystery
i hope someday we'll all agree
I am you (and you and you)
and you are Me
I am you and you are me
we could make it work
"I’m not as nice as I think I am"
The other day, i was lain in a hammock
i was enjoying the walnut dropings courtesy of a squirll high above.
then a peculiar thing: the damn wind blew the squirll from its branch, and it headed strait for me. I could see his parachute belly.
i know, strange. perhaps he was an elderly squirll or drunk.
well, i quickly stumbled away from the area with plenty of time, for the tree was very tall. I didnt want to get scratched you see. allthough intermittently it looked to be pretty plain that the little bugger would land quite clear of the hammock. So i'd have been fine if i'd just stop to see. poor little fella ................flump.
now, sitting here. i think what now i will try to think the next time this happens: if i am wearing any garment, i will pull it out it front of me and do my level best to catch that squirll.
Darwin or no, i cant abide any more flumping.
"i'm catchin hell for this one..."
so, here's a thought
perhaps homosexuality is natures population control
there's just too many of us around
the planet it suffocating
i mean, if you're the type to believe that God has a plan,
you gotta admit, homosexuality sure is good for the planet
hmmm… that would mean beer goggles are bad for the planet… crud.
Please disregard everything I’ve just wroten
"mystery song"
(for katie)
some people cry, and others mourn
when some people never come home
some'v us wait and other live
the rest of 'em learn to forgive...
and you're not gonna find adventure
with the praying that you do
you not gonna solve a mystery
a mystery's gonna solve you.
some of us taste while others eat
some people sleep in the street
you didn't think it could be true
that sleeping could happen to you.
and now you're snorin...
but you're not gonna wake from slumber
while you're dreams are all black and blue
you're not gonna solve a mystery
a mysterys gonna solve you.
and when he tells ya that you don't know what love is
just a’shrug yer shoulders and don't speak
then give'm a kiss, make it a sloppy one too
well, some of us kiss and others run
the rest of us reach for the sun
sometimes i reach sometimes i touch
regardless babe, i need you so much...
well you're not gonna find a lover
'neath the mourning drops of dew
you're not gonna find a mystery for yourself
that old mystry is gonna find you
so don't worry none.
"tribalism yodel"
tribalmen men, you don't have to start yer wars
it's better when we admit
that we shouldn't do everything by ourselves
tribal men, you don't have to veil your hate
the world's not gonna heal when all you do it regulate it.
and i know love is understanding every point of view
but your wars are just too demanding and so i hate you
but i don't wanna hate you anymore
tribal men, you don't have to kill them first
no matter how much blood ya drink
it'll never quench your thirst
tribal men, we don't have to be afraid,
for it's better to lose our lives then to lose our souls
and i know love is understanding every point of view
but your war is just too demanding and so i hate you
but its a habit i'm trying to kick
these tribalism bombs i hear'm tick-tick-ticking
cause all these bombs that you build won't make you strong
the worlds been waiting for peace for too long
you tell me sometimes killing is right, well i think you're wrong
if you want to kill something, kill my song, kill my song
but don't kill the movement we got going for peace
yodelady, yodelady, who
tribal men, it's O.K. to lose control
but it's better when we admit
that we can't pick up all the pieces by ourselves
my young friends, some day we'll all of us be dead
so just remember where we come from and what we believe in
and i believe love is understanding every point of view
but them wars are just too demanding
and so i hate, i hate, and hate the war
but i don't want to hate, its not what i'm trying to do anymore
"another cup of tea"
I gathered up all my bright ideas, I wrote them down on my wrist but i never did drink the drops of ink
pouring from your fingertips
never took a second look at the color of your lips,
cause i was lookin fer Avalon
but now I'm glad I finally met you, you're all i wanted to see
is their anything I could get ya?
some extra time at the five and dime,
proof that I'm in love with you
or maybe just another cup of tea
Rattled off my testimony, "I seen him weight the dice"
always blew, the good and true, never had the sense to lie
when you add up everything you got and you're still a little shy, hey well you know it's time
this time i'm glad i finally met you, you're all i wanted to see
is their anything i could get you?
another dance, your kaki capri pants,
another chance of loving you
or maybe just another cup of tea
hey i wanted to know, was their anything your heart desires?
i wanta fetch it fer you, through the wind the rain and the fire!
I road out on my brown eyed mare
but she never change her course
so it wasn't long, till she was gone,
i had to ride in on, a different horse
sometimes love is easy, but some loves you have to force!
You’d better give it yer all
after all i'm glad i finally met ya, you're all i wanted to see,
is there anything i could get ya?
Some wood for choppin, some corn for poppin
I’m a’never stopping! I’m lovin you!
or maybe just another cup of tea
"Happy birthday"
take me back to the place
where we both didn't know anything
i want to meet the person whom i was a stranger too
take me back to the time
when we didn't have a place
for us to go back to.
(sus chord resolution)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE! HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY CELEBRATED?
ON THE DAY THAT YOU WERE BORN THE ANGELS CRIED
AS YOUR STAR WAS BOUND FOR MINE!
HURRAY!
(super long film score bridge)
WHY DO WE NAME THE WIND
BY THE DIRECTION IT HAILS FROM?
MY HEAD TENDS TO TURN IN THE DIRECTION IT BLOWS.
I HOPE YOU'LL GOVERN YOUR LIFE BY THE CONSTITUTION OF A MOUNTAIN'S PEAK
I HOPE YOU'LL MEET YOUR DEATH
BY THE THORNS OF A ROSE
BY THE THORNS OF A ROSE,
happy birthday
"my guitar is teasing me, go figure"
well i've taught smoke to rosin up through the trees
i taught religious folk to pray upon their knees
i been to the lake of fire, taught it's waves to freeze
but i never found anyone whom i could really please
and call me crazy but i think my guitar is teasing me
listen to it ... i dont think i'm paranoid here
i think its really makin fun,
go figure…
like the god that gave his son(,) the perfect gift
i can cause the plates of heaven and earth to shift
i've ransomed the garden of evil from its timeless myth
but i never found anyone whom i'd like to share it with
and my guitar just keeps on teasin me
just like a little girl skippin some rope
one, two, buckle my shoe is what she says
like the cup that collects the blood you drink, you bleed
i could justify all your avarice and greed
cause i've collected every spirit, from every mustard seed
but i never found anyone whom i felt i could really need
and my guitar just keeps on teasing me
just like a little boy up in a chesnut tree
with his thumb on his nose, fingers in the air, wiggeling
and after gamblin into fifty-thousand dollars debt
i made it double or nothin, then i lost the bet
and after the house took everything i had
a said "dealer, i aint finished yet"
but i never found anyone whom i didn't think i'd eventually regret
and this guitar keeps on teasing me
just like every day it seems
every day, every season, spring, winter, fall,
even in the summer
it thinks its funny that i still play
the same old tunes, with the same old blues
"norshore fable"
she got lost in the woods of lutsen
she went out lookin for flowers in the scatered showers
but that was hours ago
and so she climbed a tree, to the squirell
he said "dont you cry little girl
cause it ain't hard to get you back where you started!"
no it aint hard to make it back
it aint hard to make it back
you just mark who you love the most
and follow'em down to the coast
water'll always getcha back where you started
he had a map to a forgotten treasure
he went out lookin for riches, diggin holes in ditches, dreaming'bout some bitches and brew
until his holes started caving in
he said "i don't think this map is quite genuine
and its so hard when you can't remember just where you've been
but it aint hard to make it back
no it aint hard to make it back
you just mark who you love the most
and follow'em down to the coast
water'll always getcha back where you started
they got lost on their way back from inspiration point
their hands were shaking
cause they was taking a path they hadn't normally took
and it was pitch black and they couldn't see nothing
but then he caught a little glimmer
of some moonlight on the river he said,
"my darling that’s the river gonna get us home.
cause it aint hard to make it back down to the coast
of gitchi gammi."
"the compound"
we flew in over the compound in a pontoon plane
unseen criminals
we where the first to jump
gravity was obeying dream-rules, so of course we overshot it by about a football field
we could see the building was.......tall
so we grappled and climbed to the top, after a jaunt
then i saw the courtyard at the bottom of the building's ancient elevatorshaft.
down i looked into the gargantuan space where the bones of a king kong Vishnu, who was the elevator operator, lay half consumed in the sand. where the kids junglegymed and the coworkers took their cigarette breaks.
nowadays, in the absence of the mighty elevator lift the people surf up and down the carpetstairs on red, blue, purple, and green pre-school rest time mats…
we stoped to smell the roses
just then the man from snowyriver road in over the drawbridge and through the portcullis, chewing saltwater icecubes, halfway into a cat’s cradle. he shouted up to me, "don't jump stranger.
i'll catch you if you do, but it'll ruin my cat's cradle!"
uh….
so of course i jumped
"Rumble-Tumble Down"
peeling, peeling out of the parking lot
painted on your pencil-tip,
behind your ear, it was plain to see,
your arms were making ROPE LADDERS,
lassoing Benny,
AND SOME MAD DOG 20/20.
We were all tangled up in ropes of glee
and everybody sang "ah-ee-ah-ha-yip-yippie"
breaking,
breaking into the montesorri school,
no one around just me and you and zosia blue,
and a push'n'talk TEDDY RUXPIN.
your catholic cousin, she was really something!
i just wanna be a part of your family
and everybody sang " ah-ee-ah-ha-yip-yippie "
SPRAYING,
SPRAYING SPIT,
SPILLING DOWN ANY OLD HILL,
BIG BLOCKS OF ICE AND A TOWEL,
PLASTIC SLEDS, YOU CAN EVEN GO WITHOUT
YOU JUST RUMBLE-TUMBLE DOWN
ANY OLD SEASON WE CAN FIND A REASON
HEY LETS GO, LETS GO RIGHT NOW,
AIN'T NO REASON TO STAND 'ROUND HERE
NO MORE
"Chase and Jenny"
guess who's back from the mountains?
no it aint moses, its just chase and jenny
the suns a-rising they drove all night and their legs are frozen but their backs are sweaty,
and aint that how it is after a long car-ride
just in time for the celebration, summer's over,
the harvest coming soon. we're ringing out summer's end
people say "have you seen chase and jenny
since they been back from that mountain?
there's something different about'em,
the way they dance on the straw.
and its anybody's guess to which cliff or precipice
with it's view was generous enough
to show-em whatever it was that they saw."
and you'd ask'em but you dont wanna butt in.
we're all here at the celebration, summer's over,
the harvest coming soon. we're ringing out summer's end
just right
and everybody was sing and dancing and having a good time, they were singing, and a-dancing, and the room started spining around yeah, and the room started spining around yeah, and it was spinning
around, it was spinning around,
it was spinning around, well, oh lordy.
SOME PEOPLE DIE, HIGHER. SOME PEOPLE DIE, HIGHER.
SOME PEOPLE DIE, HIGHER.
now everyone has gone home,
except for you know who, up on the roof.
and chase says to jenny "we'll be married next year",
she said "thats a nice idea chase, but how can you know?"
he said "dont you remember the day last September
when the grass was green and soon too be covered in snow? honey baby thats how i know.."
and wont you let me take you home from the celebration, summer's over, the harvest coming soon.
we're ringing out summer's end just right
"no-show"
roe sham beau or tic-tac-toe?
NO?.....
away i'll go!
wind blow snow.
oh :(
"peach colored stripes"
peach colored stripes on your white long-sleave,
a yellow room, with olive colored drapes
i cant seem to make your face out, but i'm sure that its you
i know your movements, i recognize your shapes
its in my dreams where i enjoy seeing you now baby
you reach for the stars
but you keep your eyes on the ground
i'm happy you've found your happy medium
they say you moved to indiana
and that your mother's to be a grandma
soon your babe will hear your humming
its in my dreams where i enjoy hearing you now
well its in my dreams,
the only place where i can see you now
cause in every other part of me you've gone
you left my hopes and my ambitions
you've left my knees and my superstitions
you've left the outside and the inside
of the house of my premonitions
you've gone away from my door and my window too
cant even remember what that house looked like,
just the kitchen really…
so if they teach me to pare again,
i might dream you wearing again
your peach colored white long sleeve tee
and i never know which dream you'll visit
when you don't babe i really miss it
but its only in my dreams of this that i'm aware
its in my dreams where i enjoy missing you now baby
"The army of peace?"
we speak in riddles, in painted tooth
they say "artists use lies to tell the truth"
but we don't, we just use'm, proof
that we're still out chopping ice
and sometimes its karma, and sometimes: grace
but its always there in the look on your face
when someone first tells you 'bout the human race
and while you're in it y'better play nice!
so dont become that man that everybody meets
the man with a list of truths he repeats
worst of all these things is the fact that he eats
where he sh#ts
and tell me howda keep this guy from going to hell? well,
it aint too hard just put your ear to a shell
snap like a star, and think like a cell
before it splits
'saw a beggarman 'n said "man let me teach you to fish."
'beggar said "ah baby that sounds delish
but i can't afford a pole and i dont own a dish
on which to eat a fish even if you could teach me."
(so i gave him my respects in a cone)
'n i went looking for the house of a man who's a poet
who is a'healin the world and he doesn't even know it
and when he gives me the answer he won't speak it he'll crow it!
just like peter pan crows! crow y'all
(for goodness sakes crow out loud right now, seriously. ima talkin to you person, even if you get
a funny look from someone. actually you're probly alone so crow loud enough for someone to think,
wtf was that?)
there was a man went looking for the love of a teacher
when he found'er he tried but he just couldn't reach her
in despair he went looking for the jam of a preacher
whom he'd long admired
so he put his name and address on the mailing list
boarded noah's ark and sailed on through the mist
thought he saw moses looking pretty pissed
but really he was just pretty tired
he said moses won't ya tell me whose religion is right?
is it the muslims or the christians or the isrealites?
moses said the chosen people were the gays and the dykes!
the man said "really?"
moses rolled an eye and said, "no, stop asking stupid questions."
he'said, "ya spendin all your money on the temples you lost
calculating the price, but not the cost
let me tell you whatever kinda rock is underneath that mosque
you can't take it with you when you die!"
still they say-in-they-got-what-you-need to know about it at 10:00
they scare you half to death a'talking "us and them"
drag you all the way to Jerusalem
and the rapture
they give you a gun and a net and a buzz
y'ask'n'm why? they say, "just because"
then you forget who you are and what it was
you were supposed to capture
then ya meet a turtle at the bar who said that God don't care
whether your head is covered or whether it's bare
its why you choose to wear what you wear
that really matters
and wontchya hold that thought and don't think to fast
dont finish your drink, you gotta make it last
and before you're done you'd better melt that glass
before it shatters
so you say you wanna join up with the army of peace
then everyday you give your lovin to the living deceased
yes if you ever want your soul to be released"
you better train for it
you better train your mind to balance on the edge of a knife
you better learn to love myth, you better learn t'love life
but you'd better couple that with a nasty cancer-lickin rife
disdain for it
disdain for it
disdain for it
disdain for it
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
zine selections
here are some zine selections. i'll be publishing a book next spring, so thats cool, here are some of my favorite selections:
"preteen highway"
preeteens swinging from xmas lights hangin from the freeway overpass, spinnin from when the cars and trucks and hybrid-electric dolphins drive by. also the draphts blow the screeming swingers back and forth like a boxer bangs his or her hanging bag that one last time for good measure.
ddd-ddd-ddd-ddd... bop
the xmas lights snap and time stands still suspending the scene. all except for benji the baton who crick his neck and then goes back to sleep on the concrete divider. the mile markers prepare for what happens when the time happens again...
SLICE!!!!!!!!! the dolphin dorsal fins cut the kids into pieces that splatter into plastic yellow smily faces and green MR. Yuck stickers, bouncing and sticking to the windshields and peopleshields of the motorists. the folks passing overhead on the overpass turn thier radio dials which in turn turn the folks into passing phases and kidneystones
"Fascist Forest"
i wish i was a forest policeman
id cruize around, scope out all the trees, profile them.
take'em in for questioning sometimes. ruff'em up a bit
be like "so where where you on december the third last, huh?
and theyd be like I aint telling you nothing without my lawyer pig!
then i'd plant some drugs on'm and throw em in the slammer,
handcuff all the branches
but i wouldnt be tottally mean,
id hold a class once a week to help the more promising ones get their GED diplomas. on graduation day i'd be like congradulation trees! here are your diplomas... which i printed on paper made from your families!!! thats right, while you where in jail we cut down the forest and made'm all into paper and toothpicks HAHAHAHAHA.
the trees would have the last laugh though!
they'd ban together and stop converting Carbon dioxide into oxygen, and then i'd be like (gasping)
you, damn trees. i'll get even with you if its the last thing i ever do....
"palms"
we have arived at the time when the lines blur and melt
the cobwebs freeze, break, shatter and fall to the ground into a game of pick-up-sticks after you pull the tweezers from your pocketknife and collect the first few needle-shards you pause.
and if you have any nonsense you slam BOTH palms down onto the pile!!
OUCH!!!!
acupuncture was never such discovery you press your porqupined hands to your face where they stick, and watch the rest unfold through your fingers, which managed to avoid the stiff-spider-web-quills.
"i'll see you on the waves"
why do you ask for love? and why in the world do you ask apples to swing down and be eaten by you, so silly. take them, eat them, oranges too why fish with bait that must be imagianed by the fishes? swim swim and chase. besides, hooks are of no use here why be angry with your television? no, watch every commercial and groove, dance, and bob to the dead music, make the dead glowing box live so that you can leave it at YOUR pleasure.
in fact, why refrain from any glowing evil, hypnotic or otherwise. You know in your depths that the experimentation of it leads mainly to the inevitable boredom of domination. the suppresion of evil leads mainly to larger, more harmful experiments, exponetially even......
warning: but bring love into your evildoing, for love left in good places is the most eaily corrupted. love left inside love becomes the most terrible freedom, the freedom from change, the awful distance from the wonder of growth and the privilage of death...
I LOVE U (so silly and fun when letters love eachother, carved into treebark)
i love the fear of loves destruction. my unborn child shines lights with little mirrors all along the wall in a language inviting decryption. yet all the message can say when expressed this way is "hello, from: just someone, forgetaboutit". the childs keeper, his mother, my own silly heart has learned the idiotic truth that:(in a mocked proffesor's voice) yes, sometimes the purest of love can in fact cause the object of its affection harm, and pain,(damned sweet comfortable irony.)
a nail left to rust in a basement toolbox. Thus the noble thing to do must be then not to discard this nail, or destroy this love, but to focus its power elsewhere, channel it into other avenues...
FOCUS LOVE? YOU HYPOCRITIC ME
why do you stand on the top of your waves and say "ah yes, now i see that all waves around me are waves just the same, with the same function and purpose. I have mastered my wave and at the top i will sit... or stand as i know the value and order of choice. yes yes, we are all on water waves all the same, here i am, satisfied, still."
ORDER OF CHOICE? WAKE UP ME
yes mr. smartypants it is true that every wave around you is in fact the same as your conquered wave, you're very smart indeed there on your cushion. HOWEVER, every same wave that is at a different PLACE will crash on the shores of oblivion at a different TIME. and was there ever any joy that was not made of the impermanence of place, and and and the violent thrust of time. time infinate death and creation unlimited.
dance each wave from top to bottom, leap from cap to cap, and when you must meet the sands of nothing, may you step ashore in your own special, playful way. for if you are caught sitting or standing the wave will crash and you will be quite comically thrown headfirst into the beach with your bathrobe at your neck, your legs flailing about from neglect, and your unborn children laughing wildly from all the fun. (isn't it a great hope that all wave sitters and sleepers will not have to
die upon thier waves alone, innervoices silenced, this i hope for me and you and you and you...)
once again i love you and i'll see you on the waves, for i'll not see you on the shore, where i
pray you step
"consider the building"
consider the building being built, and now it is finished. Now imagine that just 100 of the million bricks where to be taken away. how much faster will this building crumble, when your brick is gone, and the hundreds of bricks above it are no longer supported. your one brick missing allows outside air to get in messing up the heating and cooling systems! ohhhh! "what about windows" you say, you smart-alec. yes yes windows do let in and out air, but they are THERE to be opened or closed.
what about this- accourding to the laws of physics, at some mathematical point, one drop of water is all it will take to break a dam. when water joins with water, it becomes one body of water. and as the dam breaks. every previous drop of water has had a hand in the event, sharing in this glorious spectacle (remember, just a metaphore. dams breaking in real life? usually not good.) in the end does that one drop of water recieve all the credit? No, it cant even be found or singled
out. the idea of this happening is absurd and silly even. lets say you've donated just two dollars, and two hours of your time to agencies fighting to cure cancer. if this is so, when cancer is cured: feel no humility, embarasment, or give yourself any pause to jump up and yell, "HEY EVERYONE, I CURED CANCER!! GO ME." for dont you see, you did!
and what of this- PRETEND for a minite that every member of the human race is a "cell in the body" of humankind. imagine that just .5 of a percent of the billions of cells in your body decided to stop working, or never start, or just vanish. you could not live with all of those absences! allthough it gives me a good idea for a startrek beaming accident script... HOW STRAGE to think of your skin cells at war with your blood cells for praying to different gods. think of your bones, nerves, muscles, and blood buying tabloids and watching the E! channel to find out what those
celebrities of the flesh: the eyes, lips and hair, are up to now? why should the palm be jeolous of the fingers? silly silly silly..
"tuesdaysrobot"
I AM THE PRODUCT OF A CHRISTIaN UNION
i have been distracted by foriegn wars!
i see no passion anywhere
everything so ayn rand FAIR
am i a tuesdays robot????
yes, but here is the riddle...
we are all robots and we all deserve it
are you a robot slave or a robot servant?
"Pine Tree Gorgons"
gorgons live in the pine tree now, at least up north here where there is no sea. yeah, check it out in there, i doubledog dare ya!
just watchout. cause it aint snakes they got in thier hair. up here they got congressmen growing on thier heads. its acctually quite funny, and probably the reason those poor gorgons are hidding in pinetrees. though it'll still turn ya to stone when you look at'em. laughing statues around the tree from seeing all those congressmen and representatives sticking together from all the pinetree-sap.
"where wher you when your towers fell?"
waking up from a dream, my palms where sweating but my sheets where clean
i wondered if anybody'd heard me scream
even though i live alone
the street light hurts my eyes
at least in comes as no surprize
just like that old sunrize
comin soon enough itself
where wher you when you towers fell?
pleaze doncha ask me i dont remember so well
where ya listening for the sound of a libertybell in america?
where its hard to know whats happining hard to know whats real
whats really happinin around here?
digging holes in graveyards never seemd too suspicious to me
isnt that the kind of thing you do in graveyards anyway
but do ya dig'm when the day is light
or do you dig under cover of night?
i just want to know when the proper time for diggin is!
why cant i get a strait answer from anybody?
where wher you when you towers fell?
voulez-vous coucher avec moi mademosselle?
just lie with me in the dumpster outside the drake hotel chicago!
where we wont believe whats happenin around here
walking down my sidewalk, i chanced to see a whole in a door
it was a whole i hadnt seen before
even though i pass by most everysingle day
but i didnt look through
i had places to go and things to do!
these day i even take a diferent avenue
whenever i need to get to where i need to get to
where was i when my towers fell
i was telling my neighbor he was going to hell
just like every turtle yelling from inside its shell in america
where dont want to believe what they tell me, whats happining
conspiricy theories and the truth of the matter never mattered much after the second greater depression.
"my children"
sitting on an umbrella, the children listen
thier ears an tounges taffy stretched and floating in the air like mermaid arms
and when they laugh
thier ears shake like rattlesnake tails
thier tonges ripple like electric licorice whips
10 in a circle on an umbrella i hold for all three of us.
"pipe cleaner starfish"
a pipe cleaner starfish rolls across a pink checkerboard under a stary dome.
the stars are close and touchable and the star bends upward in question at the stars which start to sway as if tire-swinging in a seabreeze. the starfish rolls up and bats at a softballsized red giant and sighs, oh how i long to be a swinging star! the giant glows green and says, you are a star! HA, no i'm a fish!!
"totally gellin"
there is an ocean halfway in between the floor and the coffee table top. the only feelable sensations are comming from the wavetops at your knees where the seagulls eat your skinscabs.so your toes dont notice the prickly shipwreck wood they're grabing. a submarine blows its whistle overby a two-pronged outlet...
oh man those wavetops!
the hairs you havent shaved on your shins spread along the surface of the water. the treetrunk lifeyears of your legs starts spin spin spining which cuases the ocean to flush into your heals and now it sloshes around when you walk or stand, sit or kick.
"chooser's blues"
first give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
ya better give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
i like it when the moon goes down and the sun comes up, and then the rooster sings.
well you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
yes you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
but tomorrow i'll be hopping a train t'find my true love, and its a two-hours walk to the junction
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
and every shot i shoot hooks the boots of the prophets and the heros and the liars
(but you know their boots all look the same)
still i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
yes i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
it's to bad christianity had to turn out to be such a disaster
(can't say that, that aint nice now!)
well if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
yes if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
you can say anything you want in this god almighty world, 'slong as you say it before your time,
before your time to die.
i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
yes i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
and when the carnival comes to town with the holy cup and the holy crown, i dont expect to buy a
ticket, yes dontchya let'm sell you on a ticket now
You toast to life and drink to death, tell your stories at the bar
yes ya toast to life and drink to death, tell your stories at the bar
whether you're a dodger or a chooser now you dont all the time have to be who it is you are,
ain't it grand?
"valentine's day"
early january, you walked into my bar
i thought you looked like my great grandmother
from a picture i saw
i couldn't believe it when you asked me my name
cause i was thinking the same
I thought you'd cross to the other side babe
instead you crossed my star
so thank you for loving me
and if you promise to stay
i wont tell you that i dont love you
'till after Valentine's day
late in January, you took me to your stair
taught me things about being a lover
i didn't know were there
i couldn't believe it when you asked me to come
cause i was looking for some
know what they say about love and war babe?
they say all is fair
and thank you for loving me
and if you promise to stay
i wont tell you that i dont love you
'till after Valentine's day
early February, your fingers rapt on my chest
thought you were tapping me a brand new heartbeat
but you were tapping a test
i couldn't believe it when you asked me to lie
i said i'd give it a try
jason took Medea just as far as he could babe
you know i did my best
and thank you for loving me
it's something i can't repay
and i won't tell you that i don't love you
till after Valentine's Day
"dang old light"
dang old light
its so....
unorigional
shining every single old place
...water too for that matter
I'd like to see beams of light snaking this way and that!
illuminating strange spaggetti segments of air
like light coming throung private eye office shades only twisted about in knots
water's flatness is not masked by even the tallest tsunami
i want to see water skyscrapers in lake harriet
the parting of the red sea was the tritest of miracles
compared to the art of nature's new found physics
balls of water hovering around the michelangeloscapes
catching wayward fish who swim into the air acidentaly
doing loony tune double takes
holding signs that say "yikes", blinking twice before they fall
leaving a tiny puff of smoke, or perhaps mist
as they are still wet of course
"dimes"
there's a dime glued to the ceiling
i see the tails side,
yet technicaly it's heads right?
depends on how you call it i guess.
and whats up with tails on a dime anyhow?
it just looks like a bunch of torches
all i'm saying is - where did the mob go?
did they forget what they were angry at?
did frankenstien join the PTA and go on south beach?
"bugs, paper"
spiderwebs gross me out man
but scafolding doesn't, i wonder why...
scaffolding is more substantient
spiderwebs are unpredictable
like spiders themselves and bugs
they're fast, too fast i say!
centapedes, silverfish!
zooming in and out of eyesite,
it scares the bejesus outa me.
doggies on the other hand, they're quite dependable
more substantient than squishy bugs
try to pet a bug and you'll squish it!
have you ever tried to catch a bug with a cup, and take it outside to freedom?
you have? what's wrong with you?
are you like one of them nonviolent types?
hmm... i wonder if thier is a correlation between squishy bugs and pettable dogs,
and (drum roll)
words on paper and words in stone...
bugs are squishy, paper crumply
ever throw a tick in the fire? how about a book?
the ten commandment were written in stone, so is your name when you die
i guess words are scary all the time eh? no matter what medium.
"disco ball"
so, did you ever want a disco ball to just freak the fuck out?
spining any old way it way it wants, floating anywhere it pleases
light dots following suit
the earth too for that matter,
gravity gostling you left and right and up and down
your hands in the air like you just don't care?
not too much though, dont wanna be squished
not everyone's been to space camp
"at the hoot"
i develop infatuations like a painter develops film
love? i suppose, between anything? anything at all?
the hope that i can become the greatest of friends with anyone
the master of any object's physical existance
that this place will become a regular haunt
with many happy memories
and at the same time:
the most viral fear that we are somehow allready mortal enemies
that these objects will cause my death
that this place will never bear any moments in time that change thought and action
but then, this is a "hootenany"
a foriegn endevour even to the city that circles it
the purpose? to put aside these suppositions
the possibilities that present themselves have no awareness of themselves
at the hoot, there exists the nuetrality of a man drunk off the ecstasy of the current
hum-dinger, eyebrows breathing.
will he fall off his chair to the left or too the right?
this breed of question is rarely asked before it happens,
at the hoot
"topical songs"
topical songs, you just gotta write'm when you're starting out
hopefully you can trancend them later after you get it out of your system
let the next young buck shake it up in an allegory rainstick
on the way to finding metaphore, then he can do it up with the best of the bullshitters
then when the critic asks, "whats that mean?" he can say, "i'm late for something."
and leave the world surmising, "wow, he's so ... deep."
in truth he's done his level best to forget, most deep people have very small hard drives, thier RAM cards are all screwed up too.
"Punctuation"
someone should invent a new punctuation mark, to take the place of periods and commas. the meaning of which would be "most of the time" or "in some cases."
this would difuse many arguments i think.
try it the next time you read the OP EX. how about with this sentence:
Republicans are assholes, because Democrats are softies.
"fuck copyrights (I may eat my words..)"
(from the podium of self rightous turtles)
the true hero artist stands tall
so that imitator-admirerors can climb and stand upon thier shoulders
to see what they see
also they run, to challenge themselves, thier contemporaries and thier passengers to excel beyond the dead and sleeping giants all about them
and when they are passed they do not fret
for they know that it is not a race
there is no track and no finish
and millions of directions to be explored
all that they create is not bogaurded
for they know that if someone can take the sneezed ink of thier souls
to new corners of place and thought
this is something to be celebrated!
we are all cells in the human body
can one skin cell say that they have discovered the sun?
no, these things are open to all
those that are awake to possibility know what windows to open, and never closed,
never closed
"DVD"
DVD DVD DVD DVD said i'm gonna watch a dvdvd
VCR where R U?
U aint round no more
infact you where never round
U where rectangular
well, inside you where round, twice!
and one of the round tape circle was always geting bigger or smaller, depending.
but a cd, or a dvd
always stays the same size...
and an MP3? cant see that small, could be round could be rectangular, triangular, who knows man.... it could be spiral!!!!!!!
they gotta be space efficient, to fit allv'em into those tiny boxes......
gonna listen to my MP3 player, at 3PM in the afternoon
cause you cant listen to your MP3 player before 3PM, cause thats when you working or at school
"preteen highway"
preeteens swinging from xmas lights hangin from the freeway overpass, spinnin from when the cars and trucks and hybrid-electric dolphins drive by. also the draphts blow the screeming swingers back and forth like a boxer bangs his or her hanging bag that one last time for good measure.
ddd-ddd-ddd-ddd... bop
the xmas lights snap and time stands still suspending the scene. all except for benji the baton who crick his neck and then goes back to sleep on the concrete divider. the mile markers prepare for what happens when the time happens again...
SLICE!!!!!!!!! the dolphin dorsal fins cut the kids into pieces that splatter into plastic yellow smily faces and green MR. Yuck stickers, bouncing and sticking to the windshields and peopleshields of the motorists. the folks passing overhead on the overpass turn thier radio dials which in turn turn the folks into passing phases and kidneystones
"Fascist Forest"
i wish i was a forest policeman
id cruize around, scope out all the trees, profile them.
take'em in for questioning sometimes. ruff'em up a bit
be like "so where where you on december the third last, huh?
and theyd be like I aint telling you nothing without my lawyer pig!
then i'd plant some drugs on'm and throw em in the slammer,
handcuff all the branches
but i wouldnt be tottally mean,
id hold a class once a week to help the more promising ones get their GED diplomas. on graduation day i'd be like congradulation trees! here are your diplomas... which i printed on paper made from your families!!! thats right, while you where in jail we cut down the forest and made'm all into paper and toothpicks HAHAHAHAHA.
the trees would have the last laugh though!
they'd ban together and stop converting Carbon dioxide into oxygen, and then i'd be like (gasping)
you, damn trees. i'll get even with you if its the last thing i ever do....
"palms"
we have arived at the time when the lines blur and melt
the cobwebs freeze, break, shatter and fall to the ground into a game of pick-up-sticks after you pull the tweezers from your pocketknife and collect the first few needle-shards you pause.
and if you have any nonsense you slam BOTH palms down onto the pile!!
OUCH!!!!
acupuncture was never such discovery you press your porqupined hands to your face where they stick, and watch the rest unfold through your fingers, which managed to avoid the stiff-spider-web-quills.
"i'll see you on the waves"
why do you ask for love? and why in the world do you ask apples to swing down and be eaten by you, so silly. take them, eat them, oranges too why fish with bait that must be imagianed by the fishes? swim swim and chase. besides, hooks are of no use here why be angry with your television? no, watch every commercial and groove, dance, and bob to the dead music, make the dead glowing box live so that you can leave it at YOUR pleasure.
in fact, why refrain from any glowing evil, hypnotic or otherwise. You know in your depths that the experimentation of it leads mainly to the inevitable boredom of domination. the suppresion of evil leads mainly to larger, more harmful experiments, exponetially even......
warning: but bring love into your evildoing, for love left in good places is the most eaily corrupted. love left inside love becomes the most terrible freedom, the freedom from change, the awful distance from the wonder of growth and the privilage of death...
I LOVE U (so silly and fun when letters love eachother, carved into treebark)
i love the fear of loves destruction. my unborn child shines lights with little mirrors all along the wall in a language inviting decryption. yet all the message can say when expressed this way is "hello, from: just someone, forgetaboutit". the childs keeper, his mother, my own silly heart has learned the idiotic truth that:(in a mocked proffesor's voice) yes, sometimes the purest of love can in fact cause the object of its affection harm, and pain,(damned sweet comfortable irony.)
a nail left to rust in a basement toolbox. Thus the noble thing to do must be then not to discard this nail, or destroy this love, but to focus its power elsewhere, channel it into other avenues...
FOCUS LOVE? YOU HYPOCRITIC ME
why do you stand on the top of your waves and say "ah yes, now i see that all waves around me are waves just the same, with the same function and purpose. I have mastered my wave and at the top i will sit... or stand as i know the value and order of choice. yes yes, we are all on water waves all the same, here i am, satisfied, still."
ORDER OF CHOICE? WAKE UP ME
yes mr. smartypants it is true that every wave around you is in fact the same as your conquered wave, you're very smart indeed there on your cushion. HOWEVER, every same wave that is at a different PLACE will crash on the shores of oblivion at a different TIME. and was there ever any joy that was not made of the impermanence of place, and and and the violent thrust of time. time infinate death and creation unlimited.
dance each wave from top to bottom, leap from cap to cap, and when you must meet the sands of nothing, may you step ashore in your own special, playful way. for if you are caught sitting or standing the wave will crash and you will be quite comically thrown headfirst into the beach with your bathrobe at your neck, your legs flailing about from neglect, and your unborn children laughing wildly from all the fun. (isn't it a great hope that all wave sitters and sleepers will not have to
die upon thier waves alone, innervoices silenced, this i hope for me and you and you and you...)
once again i love you and i'll see you on the waves, for i'll not see you on the shore, where i
pray you step
"consider the building"
consider the building being built, and now it is finished. Now imagine that just 100 of the million bricks where to be taken away. how much faster will this building crumble, when your brick is gone, and the hundreds of bricks above it are no longer supported. your one brick missing allows outside air to get in messing up the heating and cooling systems! ohhhh! "what about windows" you say, you smart-alec. yes yes windows do let in and out air, but they are THERE to be opened or closed.
what about this- accourding to the laws of physics, at some mathematical point, one drop of water is all it will take to break a dam. when water joins with water, it becomes one body of water. and as the dam breaks. every previous drop of water has had a hand in the event, sharing in this glorious spectacle (remember, just a metaphore. dams breaking in real life? usually not good.) in the end does that one drop of water recieve all the credit? No, it cant even be found or singled
out. the idea of this happening is absurd and silly even. lets say you've donated just two dollars, and two hours of your time to agencies fighting to cure cancer. if this is so, when cancer is cured: feel no humility, embarasment, or give yourself any pause to jump up and yell, "HEY EVERYONE, I CURED CANCER!! GO ME." for dont you see, you did!
and what of this- PRETEND for a minite that every member of the human race is a "cell in the body" of humankind. imagine that just .5 of a percent of the billions of cells in your body decided to stop working, or never start, or just vanish. you could not live with all of those absences! allthough it gives me a good idea for a startrek beaming accident script... HOW STRAGE to think of your skin cells at war with your blood cells for praying to different gods. think of your bones, nerves, muscles, and blood buying tabloids and watching the E! channel to find out what those
celebrities of the flesh: the eyes, lips and hair, are up to now? why should the palm be jeolous of the fingers? silly silly silly..
"tuesdaysrobot"
I AM THE PRODUCT OF A CHRISTIaN UNION
i have been distracted by foriegn wars!
i see no passion anywhere
everything so ayn rand FAIR
am i a tuesdays robot????
yes, but here is the riddle...
we are all robots and we all deserve it
are you a robot slave or a robot servant?
"Pine Tree Gorgons"
gorgons live in the pine tree now, at least up north here where there is no sea. yeah, check it out in there, i doubledog dare ya!
just watchout. cause it aint snakes they got in thier hair. up here they got congressmen growing on thier heads. its acctually quite funny, and probably the reason those poor gorgons are hidding in pinetrees. though it'll still turn ya to stone when you look at'em. laughing statues around the tree from seeing all those congressmen and representatives sticking together from all the pinetree-sap.
"where wher you when your towers fell?"
waking up from a dream, my palms where sweating but my sheets where clean
i wondered if anybody'd heard me scream
even though i live alone
the street light hurts my eyes
at least in comes as no surprize
just like that old sunrize
comin soon enough itself
where wher you when you towers fell?
pleaze doncha ask me i dont remember so well
where ya listening for the sound of a libertybell in america?
where its hard to know whats happining hard to know whats real
whats really happinin around here?
digging holes in graveyards never seemd too suspicious to me
isnt that the kind of thing you do in graveyards anyway
but do ya dig'm when the day is light
or do you dig under cover of night?
i just want to know when the proper time for diggin is!
why cant i get a strait answer from anybody?
where wher you when you towers fell?
voulez-vous coucher avec moi mademosselle?
just lie with me in the dumpster outside the drake hotel chicago!
where we wont believe whats happenin around here
walking down my sidewalk, i chanced to see a whole in a door
it was a whole i hadnt seen before
even though i pass by most everysingle day
but i didnt look through
i had places to go and things to do!
these day i even take a diferent avenue
whenever i need to get to where i need to get to
where was i when my towers fell
i was telling my neighbor he was going to hell
just like every turtle yelling from inside its shell in america
where dont want to believe what they tell me, whats happining
conspiricy theories and the truth of the matter never mattered much after the second greater depression.
"my children"
sitting on an umbrella, the children listen
thier ears an tounges taffy stretched and floating in the air like mermaid arms
and when they laugh
thier ears shake like rattlesnake tails
thier tonges ripple like electric licorice whips
10 in a circle on an umbrella i hold for all three of us.
"pipe cleaner starfish"
a pipe cleaner starfish rolls across a pink checkerboard under a stary dome.
the stars are close and touchable and the star bends upward in question at the stars which start to sway as if tire-swinging in a seabreeze. the starfish rolls up and bats at a softballsized red giant and sighs, oh how i long to be a swinging star! the giant glows green and says, you are a star! HA, no i'm a fish!!
"totally gellin"
there is an ocean halfway in between the floor and the coffee table top. the only feelable sensations are comming from the wavetops at your knees where the seagulls eat your skinscabs.so your toes dont notice the prickly shipwreck wood they're grabing. a submarine blows its whistle overby a two-pronged outlet...
oh man those wavetops!
the hairs you havent shaved on your shins spread along the surface of the water. the treetrunk lifeyears of your legs starts spin spin spining which cuases the ocean to flush into your heals and now it sloshes around when you walk or stand, sit or kick.
"chooser's blues"
first give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
ya better give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
i like it when the moon goes down and the sun comes up, and then the rooster sings.
well you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
yes you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
but tomorrow i'll be hopping a train t'find my true love, and its a two-hours walk to the junction
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
and every shot i shoot hooks the boots of the prophets and the heros and the liars
(but you know their boots all look the same)
still i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
yes i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
it's to bad christianity had to turn out to be such a disaster
(can't say that, that aint nice now!)
well if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
yes if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
you can say anything you want in this god almighty world, 'slong as you say it before your time,
before your time to die.
i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
yes i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
and when the carnival comes to town with the holy cup and the holy crown, i dont expect to buy a
ticket, yes dontchya let'm sell you on a ticket now
You toast to life and drink to death, tell your stories at the bar
yes ya toast to life and drink to death, tell your stories at the bar
whether you're a dodger or a chooser now you dont all the time have to be who it is you are,
ain't it grand?
"valentine's day"
early january, you walked into my bar
i thought you looked like my great grandmother
from a picture i saw
i couldn't believe it when you asked me my name
cause i was thinking the same
I thought you'd cross to the other side babe
instead you crossed my star
so thank you for loving me
and if you promise to stay
i wont tell you that i dont love you
'till after Valentine's day
late in January, you took me to your stair
taught me things about being a lover
i didn't know were there
i couldn't believe it when you asked me to come
cause i was looking for some
know what they say about love and war babe?
they say all is fair
and thank you for loving me
and if you promise to stay
i wont tell you that i dont love you
'till after Valentine's day
early February, your fingers rapt on my chest
thought you were tapping me a brand new heartbeat
but you were tapping a test
i couldn't believe it when you asked me to lie
i said i'd give it a try
jason took Medea just as far as he could babe
you know i did my best
and thank you for loving me
it's something i can't repay
and i won't tell you that i don't love you
till after Valentine's Day
"dang old light"
dang old light
its so....
unorigional
shining every single old place
...water too for that matter
I'd like to see beams of light snaking this way and that!
illuminating strange spaggetti segments of air
like light coming throung private eye office shades only twisted about in knots
water's flatness is not masked by even the tallest tsunami
i want to see water skyscrapers in lake harriet
the parting of the red sea was the tritest of miracles
compared to the art of nature's new found physics
balls of water hovering around the michelangeloscapes
catching wayward fish who swim into the air acidentaly
doing loony tune double takes
holding signs that say "yikes", blinking twice before they fall
leaving a tiny puff of smoke, or perhaps mist
as they are still wet of course
"dimes"
there's a dime glued to the ceiling
i see the tails side,
yet technicaly it's heads right?
depends on how you call it i guess.
and whats up with tails on a dime anyhow?
it just looks like a bunch of torches
all i'm saying is - where did the mob go?
did they forget what they were angry at?
did frankenstien join the PTA and go on south beach?
"bugs, paper"
spiderwebs gross me out man
but scafolding doesn't, i wonder why...
scaffolding is more substantient
spiderwebs are unpredictable
like spiders themselves and bugs
they're fast, too fast i say!
centapedes, silverfish!
zooming in and out of eyesite,
it scares the bejesus outa me.
doggies on the other hand, they're quite dependable
more substantient than squishy bugs
try to pet a bug and you'll squish it!
have you ever tried to catch a bug with a cup, and take it outside to freedom?
you have? what's wrong with you?
are you like one of them nonviolent types?
hmm... i wonder if thier is a correlation between squishy bugs and pettable dogs,
and (drum roll)
words on paper and words in stone...
bugs are squishy, paper crumply
ever throw a tick in the fire? how about a book?
the ten commandment were written in stone, so is your name when you die
i guess words are scary all the time eh? no matter what medium.
"disco ball"
so, did you ever want a disco ball to just freak the fuck out?
spining any old way it way it wants, floating anywhere it pleases
light dots following suit
the earth too for that matter,
gravity gostling you left and right and up and down
your hands in the air like you just don't care?
not too much though, dont wanna be squished
not everyone's been to space camp
"at the hoot"
i develop infatuations like a painter develops film
love? i suppose, between anything? anything at all?
the hope that i can become the greatest of friends with anyone
the master of any object's physical existance
that this place will become a regular haunt
with many happy memories
and at the same time:
the most viral fear that we are somehow allready mortal enemies
that these objects will cause my death
that this place will never bear any moments in time that change thought and action
but then, this is a "hootenany"
a foriegn endevour even to the city that circles it
the purpose? to put aside these suppositions
the possibilities that present themselves have no awareness of themselves
at the hoot, there exists the nuetrality of a man drunk off the ecstasy of the current
hum-dinger, eyebrows breathing.
will he fall off his chair to the left or too the right?
this breed of question is rarely asked before it happens,
at the hoot
"topical songs"
topical songs, you just gotta write'm when you're starting out
hopefully you can trancend them later after you get it out of your system
let the next young buck shake it up in an allegory rainstick
on the way to finding metaphore, then he can do it up with the best of the bullshitters
then when the critic asks, "whats that mean?" he can say, "i'm late for something."
and leave the world surmising, "wow, he's so ... deep."
in truth he's done his level best to forget, most deep people have very small hard drives, thier RAM cards are all screwed up too.
"Punctuation"
someone should invent a new punctuation mark, to take the place of periods and commas. the meaning of which would be "most of the time" or "in some cases."
this would difuse many arguments i think.
try it the next time you read the OP EX. how about with this sentence:
Republicans are assholes, because Democrats are softies.
"fuck copyrights (I may eat my words..)"
(from the podium of self rightous turtles)
the true hero artist stands tall
so that imitator-admirerors can climb and stand upon thier shoulders
to see what they see
also they run, to challenge themselves, thier contemporaries and thier passengers to excel beyond the dead and sleeping giants all about them
and when they are passed they do not fret
for they know that it is not a race
there is no track and no finish
and millions of directions to be explored
all that they create is not bogaurded
for they know that if someone can take the sneezed ink of thier souls
to new corners of place and thought
this is something to be celebrated!
we are all cells in the human body
can one skin cell say that they have discovered the sun?
no, these things are open to all
those that are awake to possibility know what windows to open, and never closed,
never closed
"DVD"
DVD DVD DVD DVD said i'm gonna watch a dvdvd
VCR where R U?
U aint round no more
infact you where never round
U where rectangular
well, inside you where round, twice!
and one of the round tape circle was always geting bigger or smaller, depending.
but a cd, or a dvd
always stays the same size...
and an MP3? cant see that small, could be round could be rectangular, triangular, who knows man.... it could be spiral!!!!!!!
they gotta be space efficient, to fit allv'em into those tiny boxes......
gonna listen to my MP3 player, at 3PM in the afternoon
cause you cant listen to your MP3 player before 3PM, cause thats when you working or at school
Monday, August 20, 2007
to ed on his wedding day
yo! here is some stuff i put in a gift to my friend ed on his wedding day. but if you want to see and even better tribute, google "ed and janie wedding frequencies youtube", the video should be up in a couple days!!!
ED!! i write you today at a milestone in your
life! you have found a love that will last you
your whole life. Thanks be to Janie for making
my friend the happiest has been in love
and life, with the promise of even greater joys
to come!
Dude!, its been 16 years since we met, 8 years
since we obliterated the challenges of our high
school, and 4 years since we left the safety of
our academic blankets. We had such ambition, the
growth of our talents seemed limitless. And here
we are, not dismal failures, yet still not kings
of our crafts. Can you remember even what our
goals were? i remember vaguely that mine were
the goals of a music writer, and perhaps
performer. although the timbre of this dream has
changed much more than i could have ever
foreseen, i still hold it.
Ed, what were yours? what are yours now? I'd
be very curious to know, my most cognate of
buddies. You had always been the friend i had
most admired, and not just for your flannel
wearing abilities. For your leadership, drive,
and the way it always seemed to me that you had a
destination. even if it was a destination we
could not see. I would always look to you and
our friends, not necessarily for answers, but for
the promise of a good time. and i reveled in the
fact that we all had the itch to become great,
for lack of a better word, artists.
will we still dare to be the men we thought we
could be? or will we resign ourselves to live
softly as those who sought glory, and tasted
some. Living on, content to taste a few more
slices if the chance should arise? My friend, we
could part ways forever and you would still be
there. your memory conspicuously reminding me of
the person i was, whom we were, whom we are now.
This happy day I do not believe we are doomed to
slices. the memory of us and our friends
empowers me to think we may yet each take our own
entire cake!
I think fondly of a day many years from now,
when we can sit down at a table and look back at
our lives in awe of a twofold unspoken promise
that we both of us kept in spades: the promise
we made from ourselves to ourselves, that we
would live our lives in the fullest of capacities
as individuals, while at the same time
challenging our friends and loved ones to excel
beyond the base par of mere existence - with our
words, by our actions, and through our prayers,
hopes, and well-wishes.
I can see you grin as you think you've made a
particularly good move playing dominoes, or
perhaps cribbage, Othello, even chess if we still
have our wits.
in the midst of the skill of this unforgotten
fun, any accolades or trophies we attained fade
from behind the eyes of our smiles. For what
were they but the chance blessings of apathetic
fate.
so many of our talents and achievements were
given to us freely Ed! are we not grateful? We
are, but we know the joys that come from these
gifts, however joyful, are not truly our own.
After our last game is played, our true joys are
finally realized for what they were and are: the
steps we had taken by the will of our own spirit
to increase the bonds of friendship and love
toward all whom we met, and the fruits of joy and
life-affirming bittersweet sorrows that our
actions and creations had bestowed upon them.
-Upon a point of greater dreams, I hope we can
make this realization many times before our
last!-
So let us today and always celebrate all of our
lost goals and faded ambitions by each day
planting new seeds of conquest and mischief. let
us contract the germs of creation, and spend the
time it takes to sow and reap the benefits of
their diseases and cures, paths and destinations.
this i hope for you and Janie!, for myself and
all others whom we know and love and have yet to
meet.
Random memories with ed:
the swallows!
Zero Hour
your busted toofs
the D.E.L.
white rider!
visits to Lawrence
grunge, not goth
west side story
pit orchestra
Cross Country
the hoodlums
a planned bike trip to the U.K.
a realized trip to Miami and DC
MITY
grand rounds biking
sport shakes
our senior band scores
teepeeing Humphrey
the soma solo on the 7th grade bus ride, then
taking it to the 8th grade talent show
those damn wire-light-reindeer
free rides to jazz band
serotine
nailed to the X
ED!! i write you today at a milestone in your
life! you have found a love that will last you
your whole life. Thanks be to Janie for making
my friend the happiest has been in love
and life, with the promise of even greater joys
to come!
Dude!, its been 16 years since we met, 8 years
since we obliterated the challenges of our high
school, and 4 years since we left the safety of
our academic blankets. We had such ambition, the
growth of our talents seemed limitless. And here
we are, not dismal failures, yet still not kings
of our crafts. Can you remember even what our
goals were? i remember vaguely that mine were
the goals of a music writer, and perhaps
performer. although the timbre of this dream has
changed much more than i could have ever
foreseen, i still hold it.
Ed, what were yours? what are yours now? I'd
be very curious to know, my most cognate of
buddies. You had always been the friend i had
most admired, and not just for your flannel
wearing abilities. For your leadership, drive,
and the way it always seemed to me that you had a
destination. even if it was a destination we
could not see. I would always look to you and
our friends, not necessarily for answers, but for
the promise of a good time. and i reveled in the
fact that we all had the itch to become great,
for lack of a better word, artists.
will we still dare to be the men we thought we
could be? or will we resign ourselves to live
softly as those who sought glory, and tasted
some. Living on, content to taste a few more
slices if the chance should arise? My friend, we
could part ways forever and you would still be
there. your memory conspicuously reminding me of
the person i was, whom we were, whom we are now.
This happy day I do not believe we are doomed to
slices. the memory of us and our friends
empowers me to think we may yet each take our own
entire cake!
I think fondly of a day many years from now,
when we can sit down at a table and look back at
our lives in awe of a twofold unspoken promise
that we both of us kept in spades: the promise
we made from ourselves to ourselves, that we
would live our lives in the fullest of capacities
as individuals, while at the same time
challenging our friends and loved ones to excel
beyond the base par of mere existence - with our
words, by our actions, and through our prayers,
hopes, and well-wishes.
I can see you grin as you think you've made a
particularly good move playing dominoes, or
perhaps cribbage, Othello, even chess if we still
have our wits.
in the midst of the skill of this unforgotten
fun, any accolades or trophies we attained fade
from behind the eyes of our smiles. For what
were they but the chance blessings of apathetic
fate.
so many of our talents and achievements were
given to us freely Ed! are we not grateful? We
are, but we know the joys that come from these
gifts, however joyful, are not truly our own.
After our last game is played, our true joys are
finally realized for what they were and are: the
steps we had taken by the will of our own spirit
to increase the bonds of friendship and love
toward all whom we met, and the fruits of joy and
life-affirming bittersweet sorrows that our
actions and creations had bestowed upon them.
-Upon a point of greater dreams, I hope we can
make this realization many times before our
last!-
So let us today and always celebrate all of our
lost goals and faded ambitions by each day
planting new seeds of conquest and mischief. let
us contract the germs of creation, and spend the
time it takes to sow and reap the benefits of
their diseases and cures, paths and destinations.
this i hope for you and Janie!, for myself and
all others whom we know and love and have yet to
meet.
Random memories with ed:
the swallows!
Zero Hour
your busted toofs
the D.E.L.
white rider!
visits to Lawrence
grunge, not goth
west side story
pit orchestra
Cross Country
the hoodlums
a planned bike trip to the U.K.
a realized trip to Miami and DC
MITY
grand rounds biking
sport shakes
our senior band scores
teepeeing Humphrey
the soma solo on the 7th grade bus ride, then
taking it to the 8th grade talent show
those damn wire-light-reindeer
free rides to jazz band
serotine
nailed to the X
summer of bells
my head hurts, i hear ringing...
glory, just like totally the funnest weekend of the year has past by, kind of a bummer but i'll be doing ren fest this year so i'll see a bunch of those folks soon again. my best buddy Ed is getting married next weekend, so thats cool, i've been to three weddings in the past 9 days, yikes. allthough i've heard no bells to my recollection, there was a rather loud cricket at stephan and jolienes' though...
know whats weird? my hours this summer are 12-6 so every day i walk to and from work hearing the nieghborhood church bell songs. i know its just a recording, but i like to pretend there are real bells in the tower. i'd sure like to bong me some big brass bells someday, just be like- bong bong bong bong...
glory, just like totally the funnest weekend of the year has past by, kind of a bummer but i'll be doing ren fest this year so i'll see a bunch of those folks soon again. my best buddy Ed is getting married next weekend, so thats cool, i've been to three weddings in the past 9 days, yikes. allthough i've heard no bells to my recollection, there was a rather loud cricket at stephan and jolienes' though...
know whats weird? my hours this summer are 12-6 so every day i walk to and from work hearing the nieghborhood church bell songs. i know its just a recording, but i like to pretend there are real bells in the tower. i'd sure like to bong me some big brass bells someday, just be like- bong bong bong bong...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
our album has been delayed
we almost had it in the can. trouble is, sometimes when there's a can laying around. someone shts in it.
holy sht, someone who will remain nameless for karmic reasons, has co-opted our hard-drive from the studio we've been workin at, and inadvertently erased half the files which we've spent six months working on, and its just starting to hit me. we were a couple days work away from finishing the project, and now there's no telling when we'll be finished. i'm pretty sure that however it happened it was an accident, still i feel terrible for Jacob, our engineer, who has had to deal with this mis-hap. i've asked him not to tell me who it was, allthough i have a pretty good guess. i feel the most frustration for this person's apparent lack of remorse for his mistake, and i hear that his unco-operative actions after the fact cost Jacob a friendship. naturally i've only heard one side of the story, still, as i tell my kids as often as possible: "learning to say you are sorry is the best lesson you can hope to learn."
so that's the rub for tuesdaysrobot for a while. if you see me around or are reading this and would like, make sure to ask me for one of the zines i've made recently, as the main upsetness i've felt lately is that i'll not have something of myself CD-wise to share with all of you for at least acouple more months. and dont worry, i ussually cant feel sorry for myself for more than a week or so.
-rick
holy sht, someone who will remain nameless for karmic reasons, has co-opted our hard-drive from the studio we've been workin at, and inadvertently erased half the files which we've spent six months working on, and its just starting to hit me. we were a couple days work away from finishing the project, and now there's no telling when we'll be finished. i'm pretty sure that however it happened it was an accident, still i feel terrible for Jacob, our engineer, who has had to deal with this mis-hap. i've asked him not to tell me who it was, allthough i have a pretty good guess. i feel the most frustration for this person's apparent lack of remorse for his mistake, and i hear that his unco-operative actions after the fact cost Jacob a friendship. naturally i've only heard one side of the story, still, as i tell my kids as often as possible: "learning to say you are sorry is the best lesson you can hope to learn."
so that's the rub for tuesdaysrobot for a while. if you see me around or are reading this and would like, make sure to ask me for one of the zines i've made recently, as the main upsetness i've felt lately is that i'll not have something of myself CD-wise to share with all of you for at least acouple more months. and dont worry, i ussually cant feel sorry for myself for more than a week or so.
-rick
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Holy Moley! its my birfday!!
So i've just been reading gemini pages for like an hour. i love horoscopes and have read them since jr. high. allthough because of reading them from an early age, i often wonder if i take on the characteristics of my horoscope because i choose to, or because they are intrinsic to the planets? hmm... i think the "truth" in horoscope may lay in thier ability to make us think about stuff we wouldn't otherwise. like horoscopes, here are some useless facts that can be used for the fun of asigning bullsh*t meanings to them:
June 5th in History
1967: The six day war in the Middle East, between Israel and its neighbours, begins
1975: Egyptian President Anwar Sadat re-opens the Suez Canal to all but Israeli shipping - it had been closed for 8 years since the Six Day War of June 1967.
1981(THE DAY I WAS BORN!!) - The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five homosexual men in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.
1968: US Senator Robert Kennedy shot and killed in Los Angeles. (SORRY BOBBY)
June 5th birthdays
1878: Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary (THATS RIGHT BABY< YOU KNOW I BE ALL REVOLUTIONARY BY NATURE)
1882: Igor Stravinsky, Russian composer and conductor
1937 - Waylan Jennings, Country singer.
1934 - Bill Moyers, American journalist
1956 - Kenny G, American saxophonist(EEEEEWWWWW, GROSS!)
1971 - Mark Wahlberg, American singer and actor
1981 - Draco Malfoy, Character of the Harry Potter series (HOLY CRAP!!! I'M A SLYTHERIN!!!!!!!!)
deaths:
2004 - Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States (b. 1911)
June 5th is...
World Environment Day, since the United Nations General Assembly resolution in 1972
(SO HUG A TREE MOTHER F*CKERS, DO IT)
June 5th in History
1967: The six day war in the Middle East, between Israel and its neighbours, begins
1975: Egyptian President Anwar Sadat re-opens the Suez Canal to all but Israeli shipping - it had been closed for 8 years since the Six Day War of June 1967.
1981(THE DAY I WAS BORN!!) - The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five homosexual men in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.
1968: US Senator Robert Kennedy shot and killed in Los Angeles. (SORRY BOBBY)
June 5th birthdays
1878: Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary (THATS RIGHT BABY< YOU KNOW I BE ALL REVOLUTIONARY BY NATURE)
1882: Igor Stravinsky, Russian composer and conductor
1937 - Waylan Jennings, Country singer.
1934 - Bill Moyers, American journalist
1956 - Kenny G, American saxophonist(EEEEEWWWWW, GROSS!)
1971 - Mark Wahlberg, American singer and actor
1981 - Draco Malfoy, Character of the Harry Potter series (HOLY CRAP!!! I'M A SLYTHERIN!!!!!!!!)
deaths:
2004 - Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States (b. 1911)
June 5th is...
World Environment Day, since the United Nations General Assembly resolution in 1972
(SO HUG A TREE MOTHER F*CKERS, DO IT)
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Chooser's Blues
there's this Spider John song i really love called "dodger". this is kinda like that but its about a different kind of slant.
"chooser's blues"
first give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
ya better give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
i like it when the moon goes down and the sun comes up, and then the rooster sings.
well you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
yes you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
but tomorrow i'll be hopping a train t'find my true love, and its a two-hours walk to the junction
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
and every shot i shoot hooks the boots of the prophets and the heros and the liars
(but you know their boots all look the same)
still i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
yes i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
it's to bad christianity had to turn out to be such a disaster
(can't say that, that aint nice now!)
well if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
yes if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
you can say anything you want in this god almighty world, 'slong as you say it before your time, before your time to die.
i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
yes i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
and when the carnival comes to town with the holy cup and the holy crown, i dont expect to buy a ticket, yes dontchya let'm sell you on a ticket now
You toast to life and drink to death, tell your stories at the bar
yes ya toast to life and drink yourself to death, tell your stories at the bar
whether you're a dodger or a chooser now you dont all the time have to be who it is you are,
ain't it grand?
"chooser's blues"
first give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
ya better give me this then give me that, i dont like juggling things
i like it when the moon goes down and the sun comes up, and then the rooster sings.
well you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
yes you're the gal i'd like to be with the most, at this here social function
but tomorrow i'll be hopping a train t'find my true love, and its a two-hours walk to the junction
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
in my gun i got hooks and twine, and i point it at the stars
and every shot i shoot hooks the boots of the prophets and the heros and the liars
(but you know their boots all look the same)
still i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
yes i never had anything but respect for these people, and for my old pastor
it's to bad christianity had to turn out to be such a disaster
(can't say that, that aint nice now!)
well if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
yes if you cant say something nice, doesnt mean you're commitin a crime
you can say anything you want in this god almighty world, 'slong as you say it before your time, before your time to die.
i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
yes i've seen my death and i'm dying soon, and that dont bother me one cricket
and when the carnival comes to town with the holy cup and the holy crown, i dont expect to buy a ticket, yes dontchya let'm sell you on a ticket now
You toast to life and drink to death, tell your stories at the bar
yes ya toast to life and drink yourself to death, tell your stories at the bar
whether you're a dodger or a chooser now you dont all the time have to be who it is you are,
ain't it grand?
Friday, May 18, 2007
"..."
heres one i did in verse similar to the meter dylan uses in "it's alright ma". at least thats the rhythm i talk it in. ...
"..."
we speak in riddles, in painted tooth
they say "artists use lies to tell the truth"
but we don't, we just use'm, proof
that we're still out chopping ice
and sometimes its karma, and sometimes: grace
but its always there in the look on your face
when someone first tells you 'bout the human race
and while you're in it y'better play nice!
so dont become that man that everybody meets
the man with a list of truths he repeats
worst of all these things is the fact that he eats
where he sh#ts
and tell me howda keep this guy from going to hell? well,
it aint too hard just put your ear to a shell
snap like a star, and think like a cell
before it splits
'saw a beggarman 'n said "man let me teach you to fish."
'beggar said "ah baby that sounds delish
but i can't afford a pole and i dont own a dish
on which to eat a fish even if you could teach me."
(so i gave him my respects in a cone)
'n i went looking for the house of a man who's a poet
who is a'healin the world and he doesn't even know it
and when he gives me the answer he won't speak it he'll crow it!
just like peter pan crows! crow y'all
(for goodness sakes crow out loud right now, seriously. ima talkin to you blog person, even if you get a funny look from someone. actually you're probly alone so crow loud enough for someone to think, wtf was that?)
there was a man went looking for the love of a teacher
when he found'er he tried but he just couldn't reach her
in despair he went looking for the jam of a preacher
whom he'd long admired
so he put his name and address on the mailing list
boarded noah's ark and sailed on through the mist
thought he saw moses looking pretty pissed
but really he was just pretty tired
he said moses won't ya tell me whose religion is right?
is it the muslims or the christians or the isrealites?
moses said the chosen people were the gays and the dykes!
the man said "really?"
moses rolled an eye and said, "no, stop asking stupid questions."
he'said, "ya spendin all your money on the temples you lost
calculating the price, but not the cost
let me tell you whatever kinda rock is underneath that mosque
you can't take it with you when you die!"
still they say-in-they-got-what-you-need to know about it at 10:00
they scare you half to death a'talking "us and them"
drag you all the way to Jerusalem
and the rapture
they give you a gun and a net and a buzz
y'ask'n'm why? they say, "just because"
then you forget who you are and what it was
you were supposed to capture
then ya meet a turtle at the bar who said that God don't care
whether your head is covered or whether it's bare
its why you choose to wear what you wear
that really matters
and wontchya hold that thought and don't think to fast
dont finish your drink, you gotta make it last
and before you're done you'd better melt that glass
before it shatters
so you say you wanna join up with the army of peace
then everyday you give your lovin to the living deceased
yes if you ever want your soul to be released"
you better train for it
you better train your mind to balance on the edge of a knife
you better learn to love myth, you better learn t'love life
but you'd better couple that with an utter and absolutly rife
disdain for it
p.s. someone's gotta invent a new unisex word for people. human, man/woman, duder, person, individual... non of that works lyrically... i think because they're all multisylabic. maybe... chap, is that unisex? i dont know british that well... any ideas people?
"..."
we speak in riddles, in painted tooth
they say "artists use lies to tell the truth"
but we don't, we just use'm, proof
that we're still out chopping ice
and sometimes its karma, and sometimes: grace
but its always there in the look on your face
when someone first tells you 'bout the human race
and while you're in it y'better play nice!
so dont become that man that everybody meets
the man with a list of truths he repeats
worst of all these things is the fact that he eats
where he sh#ts
and tell me howda keep this guy from going to hell? well,
it aint too hard just put your ear to a shell
snap like a star, and think like a cell
before it splits
'saw a beggarman 'n said "man let me teach you to fish."
'beggar said "ah baby that sounds delish
but i can't afford a pole and i dont own a dish
on which to eat a fish even if you could teach me."
(so i gave him my respects in a cone)
'n i went looking for the house of a man who's a poet
who is a'healin the world and he doesn't even know it
and when he gives me the answer he won't speak it he'll crow it!
just like peter pan crows! crow y'all
(for goodness sakes crow out loud right now, seriously. ima talkin to you blog person, even if you get a funny look from someone. actually you're probly alone so crow loud enough for someone to think, wtf was that?)
there was a man went looking for the love of a teacher
when he found'er he tried but he just couldn't reach her
in despair he went looking for the jam of a preacher
whom he'd long admired
so he put his name and address on the mailing list
boarded noah's ark and sailed on through the mist
thought he saw moses looking pretty pissed
but really he was just pretty tired
he said moses won't ya tell me whose religion is right?
is it the muslims or the christians or the isrealites?
moses said the chosen people were the gays and the dykes!
the man said "really?"
moses rolled an eye and said, "no, stop asking stupid questions."
he'said, "ya spendin all your money on the temples you lost
calculating the price, but not the cost
let me tell you whatever kinda rock is underneath that mosque
you can't take it with you when you die!"
still they say-in-they-got-what-you-need to know about it at 10:00
they scare you half to death a'talking "us and them"
drag you all the way to Jerusalem
and the rapture
they give you a gun and a net and a buzz
y'ask'n'm why? they say, "just because"
then you forget who you are and what it was
you were supposed to capture
then ya meet a turtle at the bar who said that God don't care
whether your head is covered or whether it's bare
its why you choose to wear what you wear
that really matters
and wontchya hold that thought and don't think to fast
dont finish your drink, you gotta make it last
and before you're done you'd better melt that glass
before it shatters
so you say you wanna join up with the army of peace
then everyday you give your lovin to the living deceased
yes if you ever want your soul to be released"
you better train for it
you better train your mind to balance on the edge of a knife
you better learn to love myth, you better learn t'love life
but you'd better couple that with an utter and absolutly rife
disdain for it
p.s. someone's gotta invent a new unisex word for people. human, man/woman, duder, person, individual... non of that works lyrically... i think because they're all multisylabic. maybe... chap, is that unisex? i dont know british that well... any ideas people?
Thursday, May 10, 2007
traffic
preeteens swinging from xmas lights hangin from the freeway overpass,
spinnin from when the cars and trucks and hybrid-electric dolphins driving by.
also the dolphin fin draphts blow the screeming swingers back and forth like a boxer bangs his or her hanging bag that one last time for good measure.
ddd-ddd-ddd-ddd... bop
the xmas lights snap and time stands still suspending the scene.
all except for benji the baton who crick his neck and then goes back to sleep on the concrete divider.
the mile markers prepare for what happens when the time happens again...
SLICE!!!!!!
the dolphin dorsal fins cut the kids into pieces that splatter into plastic yellow smily faces and green MR. Yuck stickers, bouncing and sticking to the windshields and peopleshields of the motorists.
the folks passing overhead on the overpass turn thier radio dials which in turn turn the folks into passing phases and kidneystones
spinnin from when the cars and trucks and hybrid-electric dolphins driving by.
also the dolphin fin draphts blow the screeming swingers back and forth like a boxer bangs his or her hanging bag that one last time for good measure.
ddd-ddd-ddd-ddd... bop
the xmas lights snap and time stands still suspending the scene.
all except for benji the baton who crick his neck and then goes back to sleep on the concrete divider.
the mile markers prepare for what happens when the time happens again...
SLICE!!!!!!
the dolphin dorsal fins cut the kids into pieces that splatter into plastic yellow smily faces and green MR. Yuck stickers, bouncing and sticking to the windshields and peopleshields of the motorists.
the folks passing overhead on the overpass turn thier radio dials which in turn turn the folks into passing phases and kidneystones
totally gellin
there is an ocean halfway in between the floor and the coffee table top.
the only feelable sensations are comming from the wavetops at your knees where the seagulls eat your skinscabs.
so your toes dont notice the prickly shipwreck wood they're grabing.
a submarine blows its whistle overby a two-pronged outlet...
oh man those wavetops!
the hairs you havent shaved on your shins spread along the surface of the water.
the treetrunk lifeyears of your legs starts spin spin spining which causes the ocean to flush into your heals and now it sloshes around when you walk
or stand, sit or kick.
the only feelable sensations are comming from the wavetops at your knees where the seagulls eat your skinscabs.
so your toes dont notice the prickly shipwreck wood they're grabing.
a submarine blows its whistle overby a two-pronged outlet...
oh man those wavetops!
the hairs you havent shaved on your shins spread along the surface of the water.
the treetrunk lifeyears of your legs starts spin spin spining which causes the ocean to flush into your heals and now it sloshes around when you walk
or stand, sit or kick.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
So I just decided to get a real blog. heres the junk from my myspace blog:
A History of God or Chasing Japanese Rabbits part deux
so i just got done reading karen armstrong's A HISTORY OF GOD. it took me along time as i'm a slow reader. nonetheless i am inspired to blog.
when it comes to the matter of GOD, isn't it curious how humans throughout the ages have come to specific revalations about god, which may start out to be inherently possitive, and then have afterwords thought, "now that i know what God is, i know what god isn't. "God is this, and not that", effectively leading to- "God has always been this, so it will always be this." never alowing the transformation of this into another "that". Quite ironic as, arguably, every revalation about God has at one time, not existed, whether "divinely inspired", or humanly pondered.
Armstrong's book thouroughly catalouges the pendulum swing of religious thought in society from the Mystic/irrational/follow your heart(e.g. jewish kabbalah, muslim sufism, christian mystysism) ideolgies to the paths of the Philosophic/rational/cultivate your mind(e.g. Maimonides, faylasufs, early calvinists) systems of thought. However, what her book never implicitly states or posts is the question, "why can't our religions cultivate a tolerance and inclusion of both the mystic and the rational, both heart and mind, all at the same time?" eastern thought systems seem to have been exploring this concept far better than us westerners. Allthough, not being a buddhist, i think i'd better think on this within my own cultural context if i'm to be any use to myself or my society.
yes, i will again forcefully blog my intentions to live the logic of DUALISM, rather than the logic of DOMINATION. to have an "either or both" rather than a "this or that" mind and heart. I feel like its a good thing to study as many paths as one can, never clinging solely to one, in order to be a force for peace and understanding. allthough the disclaimer for me is the fact that there is a bit of hypocrasy in this language as this aproach itself is a "path", and so it MUST be stated, and i must remind myself that this path will not nesesarily lead me to more virtue or revalation than the paths of those who stick to thier guns, so to speak. the followers of any path have the capasity to screw things up.
Also, as a picture can be framed in many frames, and a flower potted in many pots, they can also be seen by many eyes. SO then every well intentioned thinker who ever opened thier mouths to speak or put thought to pen must be prepared for the corruption of thier origional intent. I'm pretty sure Nietzsche would not have condoned Nazism, Marx would have denounced the Stalinists, and Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses all would have had issues with... well I mean fucking A right?
Perhaps what we need is some new vocation. Perhaps some sort of "thought medicine man", or preacher/holyman/psychologist, is needed to prescribe systems of thought and faith to those who have stumbeled to far down the path of "i'm right you're wrong." oh wait... maybe we do have those people,they're called teachers. Allthough the same aforementioned caveat must be applyed to teachers as to thinkers.
O.K. this is the point in the blog where that little mischievous elf inside me says "EUREKA! I've discovered truth. Look at me world, read my blog and think like me and all will be well!" so to him again i have to say, "no, no, no, mister Elf, we're just frame-makers here, not truth-knowers." the elf says "oh man, phooey," and kicks a rock. Why is it that thinkers feel the need to impose thier thoughts upon others? probably loneliness, or the need for admiration, i'm not sure really. blog blog blog, blog blog...
well its a nice day so i'm gonna go for a run, then i'm gonna go get hammered with my friend Eric, whom i've not seen in a while. peaceout, its all good, word to your mother
Thursday, January 11, 2007
happy fifth birthday guantanamo!!!!
so as i write this all my friends are down at the courthouse protesting the Guantanamo Bay detention facility. i realy wanted to go but i work in the afternoons and its hard to reschedule... and i hate commie terrorists, j/k. seriously though i decided to donate the money i'm making working/missing it to buy some orange jumpsuits and hoods for the demonstrators. mostly because of the emotional state i was in after seeing the warm up to the protest movie "The Road to Guantanamo", which all us no-good hippie where watching at the Jack Pine CC yesterday... Man i hope someone takes pictures of the protest, i just want to see the peaceful mayhem!!!!... god i feel like such a douchebag betrayer. -but- thing is, I think this kinda feeling is what keeps so many away from activism. The thought that you have to give all of yourself to the cause or nothing at all. this couldnt be further from reality. this is what our country is all about man! one drop combined with one million drops of water make an ocean. one word together with one million words make a novel, ect ect ect...
yet still its hard to donate time or money to causes mostly in the vien of "one more brick in the building." which for me never seems to inspire much action, as each brick only touches three or four others and seems quite insignificant next to millions of other bricks, no big deal. well, here is a more helpful metaphore i like to use for myself: consider the building being built, and now it is finished. Now imagine that just 100 of the million bricks where to be taken away. how much faster will this building crumble, when your brick is gone, and the hundreds of bricks above it are no longer supported. your one brick missing allows outside air to get in messing up the heating and cooling systems! ohhhh! "what about windows" you say, you smart-alec. yes yes windows do let in and out air, but they are THERE to be opened or closed.
what about this- accourding to the laws of physics, at some mathematical point, one drop of water is all it will take to break a dam. when water joins with water, it becomes one body of water. and as the dam breaks. every previous drop of water has had a hand in the event, sharing in this glorious spectacle (remember, just a metaphore. dams breaking in real life? usually not good.) in the end does that one drop of water recieve all the credit? No, it cant even be found or singled out. the idea of this happening is absurd and silly even. lets say you've donated just two dollars, and two hours of your time to agencies fighting to cure cancer. if this is so, when cancer is cured: feel no humility, embarasment, or give yourself any pause to jump up and yell, "HEY EVERYONE, I CURED CANCER!! GO ME." for dont you see, you did!
and what of this- PRETEND for a minite that every member of the human race is a "cell in the body" of humankind. imagine that just .5 of a percent of the billions of cells in your body decided to stop working, or never start, or just vanish. you could not live with all of those absences! allthough it gives me a good idea for a startrek beaming accident script... HOW STRAGE to think of your skin cells at war with your blood cells for praying to different gods. think of your bones, nerves, muscles, and blood buying tabloids and watching the E! channel to find out what those celebrities of the flesh: the eyes, lips and hair, are up to now? why should the palm be jeolous of the fingers? silly silly silly..
well, i'm done brainstorming for now, but just to turn the whole thing on its head, some will say in this spirit of 1+1+1+1+1... and butterfly effect activism: if i only change one mind towards universal good in my lifetime, i know i'll have meant something to the world... allthough this IS true, as the legendary minneapolis based peace activist Marv Davidoff has said. "Just changing one mind in the course of your life? thats not very efficient." (he says it much funnier than that.)
Sunday, December 31, 2006
new years eve
its new years eve and its snowing!!!! yesssss. i've just been outside throwing snowballs at trees. i mustve thrown a hundred balls, and hit only about five trees. fell on my ass while i was at it. man if there was no snow on the ground at new years i was gonna stick my dick in a gas pump down at SA and leave it there. just kidding, i like global warming for minnesota. its just about every other place on the planet that i dont like it for. which makes me think... no i'll leave that to another blog, too long a thought.
another interesting thing today was i was reading my new book, WEST BANK BOOGIE, and while reading the part about Dave Ray i learned of the I CHING. i'm always offended with myself if i havent heard of something that has inspired another artistic type, so i went to the internet and found out what it was, which is like the older text in history or something like that. It's completely baffeling to me two hours later, allthough i think it has to do with divination, which ive heard of since watching the harry potter movies. naturaly i found an I CHING calculator on another site which requires your name, a question, and whether you'd like to toss the virtual yarrow stalks or virtual coins.
I loooooove horoscopey type things so for my reading i chose:
rickrobotwho am iyarrow stalks
they throw six virtual yarrow into what they call a Hexagram, which gives you like six fortune cookie type answers to your question. the one that stuck out to me was that my creativity and strength were leaving me to make way for brightness and warmth. which really made me sad because i do value creativity more than brightness and warmth. i was much comforted though to read about five minutes later that these predictions are meant to be only temporary, inthemoment for the next moment kinda things. i asked the same question a little later and it said that brightness and wrmth were giving way to stillness and obstruction. so thats where i'm at right now. cool.
much funner than a magic 8-ball.
Monday, December 25, 2006
chasing japanese rabbits
bluhhh...so i just spent six hours at church singing bach and eating papa johns. i like xmas somtimes, makes me practise my TM techniques. we had our family xmas on thursday this year, scheduling conflicts you see. my dad got me west bank boogie, thanks dad!
anyhow after a couple sermons i started spacing and thinking like, man, alot of these sayings and passages and slogans we have in our religions sure can be packaged nice, in pretty boxes and bows. but its dangerous putting truth in a box, albeit(is that a word, i forgit) a nice lookin one. good'ol bobby z once said something like "nah, i never did have anything come up to me and tell me any kinda truth. its more like i've just caught a wink from time to time, a passing thing." i like that image of the "wink", not a passage or slogan. RUMI describes it as "peeking out from underneath the bedcovers for just a moment, laughing ...HELLO!"
you really gotta come at these things a different way every time you hear'em, that is if you'd like to be winked at more than once or twice in your life. try to hear every word in a different way. they cant mean just one thing more than once. and if they somehow do, they've made it back to the same point on the circle, but it keeps turning. its impossible to eat an apple in exacly the same way every time, even if all apples were exactly the same. there are so many good ways to do different good things that can make you feel good. can you eat gold earings? can you wear cheesecake? can you buy food with baseballs? can you play catch with money? some things seem obvious, but we should still debate in good fun with others and ourselves.
also you can ponder sequals and prequals to your box-slogans. i thought of tonight a japanese proverb that effectively stoped my trying to practise christianity, buddhism, and a mish-mash pagan tradition all at the same time, it was: "chase one rabbit, catch one rabbit; chase two rabbits, catch none." what i thought tonight was this: well, after i've caught my rabbit, could i chase another? could i chase a squirel, a zebra, my own tail just for fun? it seems i could, one at a time of course, whatever time is.
what made me think of this was that during PY's seventh sermon i heard the city bus stop on the corner and pick up some elderlys, and i thought: man i'm glad we're not all in church right now, and that theres someone to drive the bus. what would it be like if everyone was trying to figure out "the great I AM" in the same way? scary. it also makes me think like maybe we've been mistranslating the first comandment all these years. thats its not "my gods right and yours is wrong", its instead "I am the great I am, I am all gods, i am every color in the rainbow(as well as infered and xray and all that haha). and that its the gods we make on earth that are the false idols, whether they be gold, kittycats, or most importantly the words of our religious passages. words can be highly deadly when idolized methinks.
ok, so of course then how can you tell the real thing from the idols? well, i dont think you really can. you just have to quiet your mind, open your heart, and hope that you find what it is you're looking for. and if you're lucky, the rabbit will hippidy hop up to you, wiggle its nose, and give you a rabbity wink.
Monday, December 11, 2006
words so silly
i was cutting a bagel the other day and instead i cut myself, oops! but it made me think... words are like the blood from a clenched fist hiding a cut, dripping out uncontrollably, even in the absense of gravity this happens.
see-you know why it is bleeding but you cannot see the wound, open your hand and see the cut. well, no surprises there, still ouch though. as the blood flows faster, you manipulate the flow to minimize the mess, hold it over the sink or something. wash it, dress it, all better. but still ouch man.
during this all of the attention is on the hands, the bleeding, the dripping, the dressing! far less if any attention given to the knife, or the heart that pumps the blood.
far less attention to the intent that made the words, the soul that pumps interpratation................
i remember i learned once that the english language has about 40 percent more words in it that other european languages because of its two parent languages. still though.... i dont think its ever even more than 20 or 30 percent effective in expressing someones true/right meaning. lets cut ourselves and others some slack when it comes to words. we might not take things how they were meant to be taken. even if they knew every language in the word i'm sure a heart and a knife would still have trouble communicating some of the time.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
i'll see you on the waves
why do you ask for love? and why in the world do you ask apples to swing down and be eaten by you, so silly. take them, eat them, oranges too
why fish with bait that must be imagianed by the fishes? swim swim and chase. besides, hooks are of no use here
why be angry with your television? no, watch every commercial and groove, dance, and bob to the dead music, make the dead glowing box live so that you can leave it at YOUR pleasure.
in fact, why refrain from any glowing evil, hypnotic or otherwise. You know in your depths that the experimentation of it leads mainly to the inevitable boredom of domination. the suppresion of evil leads mainly to larger, more harmful experiments, exponetially even......
warning: but bring love into your evildoing, for love left in good places is the most eaily corrupted. love left inside love becomes the most terrible freedom, the freedom from change, the awful distance from the wonder of growth and the privilage of death...
I LOVE U (so silly and fun when letters love eachother, carved into treebark)
i love the fear of loves destruction. my unborn child shines lights with little mirrors all along the wall in a language inviting decryption. yet all the message can say when expressed this way is "hello, from: just someone, forgetaboutit". the childs keeper, his mother, my own silly heart has learned the idiotic truth that:(in a mocked proffesor's voice) yes, sometimes the purest of love can in fact cause the object of its affection harm, and pain,(damned sweet comfortable irony.) a nail left to rust in a basement toolbox. Thus the noble thing to do must be then not to discard this nail, or destroy this love, but to focus its power elsewhere, channel it into other avenues...
(a voice full of happyrage) "FOCUS LOVE? YOU HYPOCRITIC ME
why do you stand on the top of your waves and say "ah yes, now i see that all waves around me are waves just the same, with the same function and purpose. I have mastered my wave and at the top i will sit... or stand as i know the value and order of choice. yes yes, we are all on water waves all the same, here i am, satisfied, still."
ORDER OF CHOICE? WAKE UP ME
yes mr. smartypants it is true that every wave around you is in fact the same as your conquered wave, you're very smart indeed there on your cushion. HOWEVER, every same wave that is at a different PLACE will crash on the shores of oblivion at a different TIME. and was there ever any joy that was not made of the impermanence of place, and and and the violent thrust of time. time infinate death and creation unlimited.
dance each wave from top to bottom, leap from cap to cap, and when you must meet the sands of nothing, may you step ashore in your own special, playful way. for if you are caught sitting or standing the wave will crash and you will be quite comically thrown headfirst into the beach with your bathrobe at your neck, your legs flailing about from neglect, and your unborn children laughing wildly from all the fun. (isn't it a great hope that all wave sitters and sleepers will not have to die upon thier waves alone, innervoices silenced, this i hope for me and you and you and you...)
once again i love you and i'll see you on the waves, for i'll not see you on the shore, where i pray you step
Friday, October 13, 2006
nightwalks
so i just did something... abnormal. i walked around the lake at midnight. i was driving home after a movie with my friends and i was reminising about my own self about ten years ago, and how i used to walk around the lake and around the neighborhood all the time late at night, espesially around this time of year, when its cold enough to keep the majority of the population at home so i could have the whole nieghborhood to myself for a couple of hours. there was one major difference though this time as i set out for my walk.... i was scared as hell. which i suppose is part of the reason why i went. i was so pissed off at myself for being grown-up and scared that i just had to do it. i started bargaining with my sensible side saying "well, allright but lets leave our wallet and cell phone in the car before we go." which i couldnt do the more i thought about it, the other side saying "dont be a pussy dude." during the walk i spent a little time thinking about what i would do if something bad were to happen. my imagination was really running wild and i really freaked myself out for a while. the moon and newly bear treebranches didnt help. also the sky was about half covered in spotchy clouds where every set of three or four holes looks like a menicing face. it didnt last long though, through the rhythm of my walking and seeping of memories a little bit of the invincibility of ten years ago seemed to find its way back into my blood. and all i can think is, how is it that i'm so terrified of this walk, this is my lake, MY LAKE for goodness sakes. i remembered a time in late november when i was walking around this same body of water and on the south shore the water was completely still and when i got to the north side not twenty minites later the wind was blowing the water so fiercely that it was freezing the waves as they trembled, and the remarkable thing was that these abnormaly formed ice waves had holes in them which, when the wind passed over and through them, made all manner of whistling noises, hundreds of individual, yet similar sounds coming from the lake. back then i thought i might like to be a orchestra composer and the experience was all the more amazing and unexplainable. on a lighter note some years before(from a picture of the thing to be mentioned i was in eigth grade at the time) i had broken some newly formed ice from this lake and one of the sheets looked exactly like a cock'n'balls which i found to be supremely funny, so i lugged it back to my house to show my friends. some of which did or didnt apreciate being humped by a two and a half foot ice-weiner. the last memory i'll mention (for now) is that of a swing rope over the minnehaha creek kinda by the freeway, where the thing to do was to let go on the other side and land on the opposite bank, which most kids did, except for me. it took over an hour to walk to which doesnt mean much to a kid with headphones and his Hum, Blind Melon, and Pumpkins mixtapes, so i went. this was also when the leaves had fallen and since all summer i couldnt work up the balls to do it i made a bet with myself: "dude on the way to that rope we're(i can say we, i'm a gemini) gonna walk on one side of the creek, and on the way back we're using the opposite path, and the only way we can cross the river, is using that swingrope. when i got there i spent around half an hour pshyching myself up to do it. i swung across three or four times but didnt drop. my body was filled with tears of idiocy and on the final time i did let go and made it to the opposite bank. allthough it was more from tired fingers than from couragousness, and it was probably the least gracefull thing i've ever done as i remember landing on my side and hurting my elbow and arm and bonking my ear quite badly. but i did it, and thats what i needed to do then. but why?........(sidenote, that next summer our friend andrew had the misfortion of it breaking on him after he had been assured of its safety by all that had swung on it. he got wet and bruised a bit, but he was fine). so anyways why, why why why... i guess when you realize youre scared of something that has a remedy, you wanna do it. actually i dont feel so old now that i think of it. ive still done some pretty idioticly exceptional things this last year(much more than walking around a lake) motivated by the fear of being a scaredy-cat. allthough the things i can proudly point to do grow less every one, year that is. and the chances missed do seem to grow in number... it might be the romance of hindsight, but it seems to me that i used to spend so much time and energy INVENTING myself. i think it all boils down to how much time we devote to inventing ourselves, and how much time we spend preserving ourselves, the older we get the more to preserve, hmmmm....... to all my friends: it seems that as we get older we not only gain in material wealth and knowledge, but also in the sense of who we are, which may be a good thing, who knows. i just hope i never lose the voice in myself that makes me do idiotic things for the sake of reinvention, on a dare.
ps. if anyone wants to jump of the cedar bridge one more time, i'm game... i think... well actually lets wait for spring when its warmer and i'll most likely have forgotten all of this gusto.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
wedding
just got back from my friends wedding. it was quite the cultural experience. the ceramony was conducted by a native american woman, and was quite lovely... druming, smoking vases, blankets, quite nice. lauren's (the bride) family is jewish so we played the Hava Nagila song after and it was a romp. i wish my relatives had a song they sung at weddings and lifted people up on chairs and stuff. oh, worth mentioning as well is shane's(the groom) family is catholic i believe, he had a native ceremony for personal reasons relating to his work. idontknow, its the kinda thing where you know there are probably some folks who werent comfortable with the situation, most likely based on preconceptions of how a wedding is supposed to be according to your own family's traditions. imean, any negativity like that stems from a desire for the good of a loved one, and that must be honored as well as concoured. but I really couldnt feel to much negative energy around though, overall it was great. and i'm always proud to be a human in those instances when love of love trumps love of comfort, and i think for the most part, thats what happend tonight. hurray for shane and lauren!!!!
ps: hurray for matt and anna who just got engaged!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Aids was my bad, sorry
whoa, i just read that on the day i was born, the very first case of AIDS was diagnosed. crazy
A History of God or Chasing Japanese Rabbits part deux
so i just got done reading karen armstrong's A HISTORY OF GOD. it took me along time as i'm a slow reader. nonetheless i am inspired to blog.
when it comes to the matter of GOD, isn't it curious how humans throughout the ages have come to specific revalations about god, which may start out to be inherently possitive, and then have afterwords thought, "now that i know what God is, i know what god isn't. "God is this, and not that", effectively leading to- "God has always been this, so it will always be this." never alowing the transformation of this into another "that". Quite ironic as, arguably, every revalation about God has at one time, not existed, whether "divinely inspired", or humanly pondered.
Armstrong's book thouroughly catalouges the pendulum swing of religious thought in society from the Mystic/irrational/follow your heart(e.g. jewish kabbalah, muslim sufism, christian mystysism) ideolgies to the paths of the Philosophic/rational/cultivate your mind(e.g. Maimonides, faylasufs, early calvinists) systems of thought. However, what her book never implicitly states or posts is the question, "why can't our religions cultivate a tolerance and inclusion of both the mystic and the rational, both heart and mind, all at the same time?" eastern thought systems seem to have been exploring this concept far better than us westerners. Allthough, not being a buddhist, i think i'd better think on this within my own cultural context if i'm to be any use to myself or my society.
yes, i will again forcefully blog my intentions to live the logic of DUALISM, rather than the logic of DOMINATION. to have an "either or both" rather than a "this or that" mind and heart. I feel like its a good thing to study as many paths as one can, never clinging solely to one, in order to be a force for peace and understanding. allthough the disclaimer for me is the fact that there is a bit of hypocrasy in this language as this aproach itself is a "path", and so it MUST be stated, and i must remind myself that this path will not nesesarily lead me to more virtue or revalation than the paths of those who stick to thier guns, so to speak. the followers of any path have the capasity to screw things up.
Also, as a picture can be framed in many frames, and a flower potted in many pots, they can also be seen by many eyes. SO then every well intentioned thinker who ever opened thier mouths to speak or put thought to pen must be prepared for the corruption of thier origional intent. I'm pretty sure Nietzsche would not have condoned Nazism, Marx would have denounced the Stalinists, and Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses all would have had issues with... well I mean fucking A right?
Perhaps what we need is some new vocation. Perhaps some sort of "thought medicine man", or preacher/holyman/psychologist, is needed to prescribe systems of thought and faith to those who have stumbeled to far down the path of "i'm right you're wrong." oh wait... maybe we do have those people,they're called teachers. Allthough the same aforementioned caveat must be applyed to teachers as to thinkers.
O.K. this is the point in the blog where that little mischievous elf inside me says "EUREKA! I've discovered truth. Look at me world, read my blog and think like me and all will be well!" so to him again i have to say, "no, no, no, mister Elf, we're just frame-makers here, not truth-knowers." the elf says "oh man, phooey," and kicks a rock. Why is it that thinkers feel the need to impose thier thoughts upon others? probably loneliness, or the need for admiration, i'm not sure really. blog blog blog, blog blog...
well its a nice day so i'm gonna go for a run, then i'm gonna go get hammered with my friend Eric, whom i've not seen in a while. peaceout, its all good, word to your mother
Thursday, January 11, 2007
happy fifth birthday guantanamo!!!!
so as i write this all my friends are down at the courthouse protesting the Guantanamo Bay detention facility. i realy wanted to go but i work in the afternoons and its hard to reschedule... and i hate commie terrorists, j/k. seriously though i decided to donate the money i'm making working/missing it to buy some orange jumpsuits and hoods for the demonstrators. mostly because of the emotional state i was in after seeing the warm up to the protest movie "The Road to Guantanamo", which all us no-good hippie where watching at the Jack Pine CC yesterday... Man i hope someone takes pictures of the protest, i just want to see the peaceful mayhem!!!!... god i feel like such a douchebag betrayer. -but- thing is, I think this kinda feeling is what keeps so many away from activism. The thought that you have to give all of yourself to the cause or nothing at all. this couldnt be further from reality. this is what our country is all about man! one drop combined with one million drops of water make an ocean. one word together with one million words make a novel, ect ect ect...
yet still its hard to donate time or money to causes mostly in the vien of "one more brick in the building." which for me never seems to inspire much action, as each brick only touches three or four others and seems quite insignificant next to millions of other bricks, no big deal. well, here is a more helpful metaphore i like to use for myself: consider the building being built, and now it is finished. Now imagine that just 100 of the million bricks where to be taken away. how much faster will this building crumble, when your brick is gone, and the hundreds of bricks above it are no longer supported. your one brick missing allows outside air to get in messing up the heating and cooling systems! ohhhh! "what about windows" you say, you smart-alec. yes yes windows do let in and out air, but they are THERE to be opened or closed.
what about this- accourding to the laws of physics, at some mathematical point, one drop of water is all it will take to break a dam. when water joins with water, it becomes one body of water. and as the dam breaks. every previous drop of water has had a hand in the event, sharing in this glorious spectacle (remember, just a metaphore. dams breaking in real life? usually not good.) in the end does that one drop of water recieve all the credit? No, it cant even be found or singled out. the idea of this happening is absurd and silly even. lets say you've donated just two dollars, and two hours of your time to agencies fighting to cure cancer. if this is so, when cancer is cured: feel no humility, embarasment, or give yourself any pause to jump up and yell, "HEY EVERYONE, I CURED CANCER!! GO ME." for dont you see, you did!
and what of this- PRETEND for a minite that every member of the human race is a "cell in the body" of humankind. imagine that just .5 of a percent of the billions of cells in your body decided to stop working, or never start, or just vanish. you could not live with all of those absences! allthough it gives me a good idea for a startrek beaming accident script... HOW STRAGE to think of your skin cells at war with your blood cells for praying to different gods. think of your bones, nerves, muscles, and blood buying tabloids and watching the E! channel to find out what those celebrities of the flesh: the eyes, lips and hair, are up to now? why should the palm be jeolous of the fingers? silly silly silly..
well, i'm done brainstorming for now, but just to turn the whole thing on its head, some will say in this spirit of 1+1+1+1+1... and butterfly effect activism: if i only change one mind towards universal good in my lifetime, i know i'll have meant something to the world... allthough this IS true, as the legendary minneapolis based peace activist Marv Davidoff has said. "Just changing one mind in the course of your life? thats not very efficient." (he says it much funnier than that.)
Sunday, December 31, 2006
new years eve
its new years eve and its snowing!!!! yesssss. i've just been outside throwing snowballs at trees. i mustve thrown a hundred balls, and hit only about five trees. fell on my ass while i was at it. man if there was no snow on the ground at new years i was gonna stick my dick in a gas pump down at SA and leave it there. just kidding, i like global warming for minnesota. its just about every other place on the planet that i dont like it for. which makes me think... no i'll leave that to another blog, too long a thought.
another interesting thing today was i was reading my new book, WEST BANK BOOGIE, and while reading the part about Dave Ray i learned of the I CHING. i'm always offended with myself if i havent heard of something that has inspired another artistic type, so i went to the internet and found out what it was, which is like the older text in history or something like that. It's completely baffeling to me two hours later, allthough i think it has to do with divination, which ive heard of since watching the harry potter movies. naturaly i found an I CHING calculator on another site which requires your name, a question, and whether you'd like to toss the virtual yarrow stalks or virtual coins.
I loooooove horoscopey type things so for my reading i chose:
rickrobotwho am iyarrow stalks
they throw six virtual yarrow into what they call a Hexagram, which gives you like six fortune cookie type answers to your question. the one that stuck out to me was that my creativity and strength were leaving me to make way for brightness and warmth. which really made me sad because i do value creativity more than brightness and warmth. i was much comforted though to read about five minutes later that these predictions are meant to be only temporary, inthemoment for the next moment kinda things. i asked the same question a little later and it said that brightness and wrmth were giving way to stillness and obstruction. so thats where i'm at right now. cool.
much funner than a magic 8-ball.
Monday, December 25, 2006
chasing japanese rabbits
bluhhh...so i just spent six hours at church singing bach and eating papa johns. i like xmas somtimes, makes me practise my TM techniques. we had our family xmas on thursday this year, scheduling conflicts you see. my dad got me west bank boogie, thanks dad!
anyhow after a couple sermons i started spacing and thinking like, man, alot of these sayings and passages and slogans we have in our religions sure can be packaged nice, in pretty boxes and bows. but its dangerous putting truth in a box, albeit(is that a word, i forgit) a nice lookin one. good'ol bobby z once said something like "nah, i never did have anything come up to me and tell me any kinda truth. its more like i've just caught a wink from time to time, a passing thing." i like that image of the "wink", not a passage or slogan. RUMI describes it as "peeking out from underneath the bedcovers for just a moment, laughing ...HELLO!"
you really gotta come at these things a different way every time you hear'em, that is if you'd like to be winked at more than once or twice in your life. try to hear every word in a different way. they cant mean just one thing more than once. and if they somehow do, they've made it back to the same point on the circle, but it keeps turning. its impossible to eat an apple in exacly the same way every time, even if all apples were exactly the same. there are so many good ways to do different good things that can make you feel good. can you eat gold earings? can you wear cheesecake? can you buy food with baseballs? can you play catch with money? some things seem obvious, but we should still debate in good fun with others and ourselves.
also you can ponder sequals and prequals to your box-slogans. i thought of tonight a japanese proverb that effectively stoped my trying to practise christianity, buddhism, and a mish-mash pagan tradition all at the same time, it was: "chase one rabbit, catch one rabbit; chase two rabbits, catch none." what i thought tonight was this: well, after i've caught my rabbit, could i chase another? could i chase a squirel, a zebra, my own tail just for fun? it seems i could, one at a time of course, whatever time is.
what made me think of this was that during PY's seventh sermon i heard the city bus stop on the corner and pick up some elderlys, and i thought: man i'm glad we're not all in church right now, and that theres someone to drive the bus. what would it be like if everyone was trying to figure out "the great I AM" in the same way? scary. it also makes me think like maybe we've been mistranslating the first comandment all these years. thats its not "my gods right and yours is wrong", its instead "I am the great I am, I am all gods, i am every color in the rainbow(as well as infered and xray and all that haha). and that its the gods we make on earth that are the false idols, whether they be gold, kittycats, or most importantly the words of our religious passages. words can be highly deadly when idolized methinks.
ok, so of course then how can you tell the real thing from the idols? well, i dont think you really can. you just have to quiet your mind, open your heart, and hope that you find what it is you're looking for. and if you're lucky, the rabbit will hippidy hop up to you, wiggle its nose, and give you a rabbity wink.
Monday, December 11, 2006
words so silly
i was cutting a bagel the other day and instead i cut myself, oops! but it made me think... words are like the blood from a clenched fist hiding a cut, dripping out uncontrollably, even in the absense of gravity this happens.
see-you know why it is bleeding but you cannot see the wound, open your hand and see the cut. well, no surprises there, still ouch though. as the blood flows faster, you manipulate the flow to minimize the mess, hold it over the sink or something. wash it, dress it, all better. but still ouch man.
during this all of the attention is on the hands, the bleeding, the dripping, the dressing! far less if any attention given to the knife, or the heart that pumps the blood.
far less attention to the intent that made the words, the soul that pumps interpratation................
i remember i learned once that the english language has about 40 percent more words in it that other european languages because of its two parent languages. still though.... i dont think its ever even more than 20 or 30 percent effective in expressing someones true/right meaning. lets cut ourselves and others some slack when it comes to words. we might not take things how they were meant to be taken. even if they knew every language in the word i'm sure a heart and a knife would still have trouble communicating some of the time.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
i'll see you on the waves
why do you ask for love? and why in the world do you ask apples to swing down and be eaten by you, so silly. take them, eat them, oranges too
why fish with bait that must be imagianed by the fishes? swim swim and chase. besides, hooks are of no use here
why be angry with your television? no, watch every commercial and groove, dance, and bob to the dead music, make the dead glowing box live so that you can leave it at YOUR pleasure.
in fact, why refrain from any glowing evil, hypnotic or otherwise. You know in your depths that the experimentation of it leads mainly to the inevitable boredom of domination. the suppresion of evil leads mainly to larger, more harmful experiments, exponetially even......
warning: but bring love into your evildoing, for love left in good places is the most eaily corrupted. love left inside love becomes the most terrible freedom, the freedom from change, the awful distance from the wonder of growth and the privilage of death...
I LOVE U (so silly and fun when letters love eachother, carved into treebark)
i love the fear of loves destruction. my unborn child shines lights with little mirrors all along the wall in a language inviting decryption. yet all the message can say when expressed this way is "hello, from: just someone, forgetaboutit". the childs keeper, his mother, my own silly heart has learned the idiotic truth that:(in a mocked proffesor's voice) yes, sometimes the purest of love can in fact cause the object of its affection harm, and pain,(damned sweet comfortable irony.) a nail left to rust in a basement toolbox. Thus the noble thing to do must be then not to discard this nail, or destroy this love, but to focus its power elsewhere, channel it into other avenues...
(a voice full of happyrage) "FOCUS LOVE? YOU HYPOCRITIC ME
why do you stand on the top of your waves and say "ah yes, now i see that all waves around me are waves just the same, with the same function and purpose. I have mastered my wave and at the top i will sit... or stand as i know the value and order of choice. yes yes, we are all on water waves all the same, here i am, satisfied, still."
ORDER OF CHOICE? WAKE UP ME
yes mr. smartypants it is true that every wave around you is in fact the same as your conquered wave, you're very smart indeed there on your cushion. HOWEVER, every same wave that is at a different PLACE will crash on the shores of oblivion at a different TIME. and was there ever any joy that was not made of the impermanence of place, and and and the violent thrust of time. time infinate death and creation unlimited.
dance each wave from top to bottom, leap from cap to cap, and when you must meet the sands of nothing, may you step ashore in your own special, playful way. for if you are caught sitting or standing the wave will crash and you will be quite comically thrown headfirst into the beach with your bathrobe at your neck, your legs flailing about from neglect, and your unborn children laughing wildly from all the fun. (isn't it a great hope that all wave sitters and sleepers will not have to die upon thier waves alone, innervoices silenced, this i hope for me and you and you and you...)
once again i love you and i'll see you on the waves, for i'll not see you on the shore, where i pray you step
Friday, October 13, 2006
nightwalks
so i just did something... abnormal. i walked around the lake at midnight. i was driving home after a movie with my friends and i was reminising about my own self about ten years ago, and how i used to walk around the lake and around the neighborhood all the time late at night, espesially around this time of year, when its cold enough to keep the majority of the population at home so i could have the whole nieghborhood to myself for a couple of hours. there was one major difference though this time as i set out for my walk.... i was scared as hell. which i suppose is part of the reason why i went. i was so pissed off at myself for being grown-up and scared that i just had to do it. i started bargaining with my sensible side saying "well, allright but lets leave our wallet and cell phone in the car before we go." which i couldnt do the more i thought about it, the other side saying "dont be a pussy dude." during the walk i spent a little time thinking about what i would do if something bad were to happen. my imagination was really running wild and i really freaked myself out for a while. the moon and newly bear treebranches didnt help. also the sky was about half covered in spotchy clouds where every set of three or four holes looks like a menicing face. it didnt last long though, through the rhythm of my walking and seeping of memories a little bit of the invincibility of ten years ago seemed to find its way back into my blood. and all i can think is, how is it that i'm so terrified of this walk, this is my lake, MY LAKE for goodness sakes. i remembered a time in late november when i was walking around this same body of water and on the south shore the water was completely still and when i got to the north side not twenty minites later the wind was blowing the water so fiercely that it was freezing the waves as they trembled, and the remarkable thing was that these abnormaly formed ice waves had holes in them which, when the wind passed over and through them, made all manner of whistling noises, hundreds of individual, yet similar sounds coming from the lake. back then i thought i might like to be a orchestra composer and the experience was all the more amazing and unexplainable. on a lighter note some years before(from a picture of the thing to be mentioned i was in eigth grade at the time) i had broken some newly formed ice from this lake and one of the sheets looked exactly like a cock'n'balls which i found to be supremely funny, so i lugged it back to my house to show my friends. some of which did or didnt apreciate being humped by a two and a half foot ice-weiner. the last memory i'll mention (for now) is that of a swing rope over the minnehaha creek kinda by the freeway, where the thing to do was to let go on the other side and land on the opposite bank, which most kids did, except for me. it took over an hour to walk to which doesnt mean much to a kid with headphones and his Hum, Blind Melon, and Pumpkins mixtapes, so i went. this was also when the leaves had fallen and since all summer i couldnt work up the balls to do it i made a bet with myself: "dude on the way to that rope we're(i can say we, i'm a gemini) gonna walk on one side of the creek, and on the way back we're using the opposite path, and the only way we can cross the river, is using that swingrope. when i got there i spent around half an hour pshyching myself up to do it. i swung across three or four times but didnt drop. my body was filled with tears of idiocy and on the final time i did let go and made it to the opposite bank. allthough it was more from tired fingers than from couragousness, and it was probably the least gracefull thing i've ever done as i remember landing on my side and hurting my elbow and arm and bonking my ear quite badly. but i did it, and thats what i needed to do then. but why?........(sidenote, that next summer our friend andrew had the misfortion of it breaking on him after he had been assured of its safety by all that had swung on it. he got wet and bruised a bit, but he was fine). so anyways why, why why why... i guess when you realize youre scared of something that has a remedy, you wanna do it. actually i dont feel so old now that i think of it. ive still done some pretty idioticly exceptional things this last year(much more than walking around a lake) motivated by the fear of being a scaredy-cat. allthough the things i can proudly point to do grow less every one, year that is. and the chances missed do seem to grow in number... it might be the romance of hindsight, but it seems to me that i used to spend so much time and energy INVENTING myself. i think it all boils down to how much time we devote to inventing ourselves, and how much time we spend preserving ourselves, the older we get the more to preserve, hmmmm....... to all my friends: it seems that as we get older we not only gain in material wealth and knowledge, but also in the sense of who we are, which may be a good thing, who knows. i just hope i never lose the voice in myself that makes me do idiotic things for the sake of reinvention, on a dare.
ps. if anyone wants to jump of the cedar bridge one more time, i'm game... i think... well actually lets wait for spring when its warmer and i'll most likely have forgotten all of this gusto.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
wedding
just got back from my friends wedding. it was quite the cultural experience. the ceramony was conducted by a native american woman, and was quite lovely... druming, smoking vases, blankets, quite nice. lauren's (the bride) family is jewish so we played the Hava Nagila song after and it was a romp. i wish my relatives had a song they sung at weddings and lifted people up on chairs and stuff. oh, worth mentioning as well is shane's(the groom) family is catholic i believe, he had a native ceremony for personal reasons relating to his work. idontknow, its the kinda thing where you know there are probably some folks who werent comfortable with the situation, most likely based on preconceptions of how a wedding is supposed to be according to your own family's traditions. imean, any negativity like that stems from a desire for the good of a loved one, and that must be honored as well as concoured. but I really couldnt feel to much negative energy around though, overall it was great. and i'm always proud to be a human in those instances when love of love trumps love of comfort, and i think for the most part, thats what happend tonight. hurray for shane and lauren!!!!
ps: hurray for matt and anna who just got engaged!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Aids was my bad, sorry
whoa, i just read that on the day i was born, the very first case of AIDS was diagnosed. crazy
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